They'll only miss you when you leave
by mnemophobia
Summary: Bella and Edward were destined to be together, they were best friends until Bella has to move back to Phoenix. Now she's back... but she's changed. Can Edward rediscover the 'old Bella?. AH/OOC Rated T for CourseLanguage/Adult Themes. First Fic - be nice
1. Prologue

Prologue

I walked through the dead silent aisle; the only sound was my footsteps echoing throughout the high ceiling room. Two men flanked me on either side, blank expressions on their faces as they lead me up to my consequence. As I sat down I looked around me. I stared at the faces in the room. It phased through countless different emotions of expectance, anger, disappointment, surprise and worst of all humor.

I never thought I would be faced with this in my life. I pressed my hand down firmly as I spoke the words I was meant to, without even questioning it. For I knew that at this time I would have to tell the whole truth, no matter how bad it made me look. How insane, how utterly fucking crazy I came out of this, somehow I knew I had to do the right thing. This… what I was doing right now, I knew was the right thing.

I had taken a sip from a poisoned chalice as soon as I had made that first decision. Action and reaction, a domino effect. It all led me to here, to where bloody inventions have finally come back to plague the bloody inventor. It was time to put aside my own apathy. It was time to accept that it all ultimately was my fault and this was the consequence.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N So this is my first fic, please excuse any grammar errors and Australian spelling like colour instead of color, and favourite instead of favorite, and if i get American class time/grades wrong i'm sorry too. Also um like, there might be a mention of something that only Australians get and for that i'm sorry. Alright, anyways. Yeah, thanks.**

**EPOV**

I woke up to my sister Alice squealing and jumping up and down on my bed, "Edward, its SCHOOL TIME IT'S SCHOOL TIME OH MY GOD OH MY GOD." By her reaction, you would've at least thought that it was the first day of school, the last day of school, or some important day. No, it wasn't, it was just an ordinary Monday, after a very ordinary weekend.

My weekends used to be exciting, going to the mall every Saturday afternoon in Port Angeles with the gang, Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and of course… Bella. But when we were eleven Bella had moved away to Phoenix to live with her Mom and Phil. Bella and I were best friends, destined to be so since we set eyes on each other when Bella asked me if she wanted to play 'horsies' with me in Prep, I had taken a huge handful of mud and thrown it all over her pretty white dress. After that we could never be separated. Well that was until five years ago, when my Bella left me, when my heart left me, when my life left me.

I climbed out of bed and got dressed into a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt. I walked down to breakfast; the smell of pancakes lofting up the stairs, of course Esme had cooked pancakes for us, just like she did every Monday and Thursday.

After eating breakfast, Alice dragged me along and pushed me into my car, I started the car and pushed my foot down on the accelerator letting this morning's frustration out. It took us about five minutes to reach school with the speed I was going at. We pulled into the car park where we saw an unfamiliar black Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT S, this was _waaaayyyy_ flashier then most of the cars we normally saw here, there must be a new kid on the block.

However, the girl that got out of the car was no new student, she was familiar in a way, her dark long mahogany waves cascading down past the end of her rib cage, I could've sworn I had seen that hair colour somewhere, somewhere imprinted so strongly in my memory. The girl walked over to reception, she was wearing a blue trench coat with black fish net stockings, tucked into a pair of black knee high lace up boots, with a four inch heel. She walked with her head down, before correcting herself, flicking her hair over her shoulder, raising her head and turning to look straight back at me.

A heart-shaped face I definitely knew looked back at me, but in place of those chocolate brown eyes I would lose myself for hours in, were sapphire blue eyes. It was Bella… just a different Bella, a much different Bella. The Bella I remembered never dressed like that, she refused to wear heels, and never wore fish net stockings. Her lips parted slightly as she looked over me, her eyes flickering up to my nest of bronze hair, she grimaced slightly before turning her head away from me and continued walking to reception.

By this time, I had changed my mind, it was no ordinary day, it was the most extraordinary day of my life so far. I turned to Alice who I saw was gazing after Bella too, I saw her lips part and her mouth mutter the same name that was on my mind, "Bella….", she turned to me, "Is that really her?"

"I think it is baby sister…" I replied, "But her eyes… they aren't brown anymore, and she just looks so different."

"Well, her fashion sense has finally gotten better! That's for sure! I wonder if she likes shopping now?"

"I wouldn't know what she likes Alice, I don't even know if I know her anymore…"

We watched as Bella walked out of reception, timetable and map in hand, her eyes gazed over me, then over Alice as if we didn't exist, like we were just a blank spot of air. She turned on her heel and walked to homeroom.

I brushed my hand through my hair, and pinched the bridge of my nose, what happened to my Bella, why had she changed so much? I gave my hair one last tug before heading to homeroom myself. I barely paid attention in class until lunch, the only thing on my mind was where Bella was going to sit, and where you sit in the cafeteria can really define someone, as much as I hate to say it.

I caught up with Alice as I walked into the cafeteria and looked around to find Bella, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I nodded to Alice before I headed out to the sports field to see if Bella was hanging around there. Sure enough she was, she was sitted up against a tree casually with a cigarette sticking out of her mouth (when had my Bella started smoking), she was reading through some sort of novel, probably a Jane Austin knowing my Bella. I walked the long way around trying to approach the front of her without her noticing me; I was still a fair way away when I saw Mike and Eric approaching her. Mike leant down and whispered something in her ear, running his hand through her beautiful brown hair.

My breath left me as I saw her lift her head towards his, she leaned towards him and connected her lips with his, and she slowly stood up, her mouth not leaving his. I watched her trail her hand up his neckline caressing his collarbone, I watched as slowly her hand latched around his neck before she squeezed gently, hitting his pressure point. He flinched back, and pushed her off him, obviously Bella had bitten his tongue at the same time as I saw him spit out blood. He slapped her across the face before muttering something to Eric and turning around.

My fists clenched as I let out the breath I had been holding. I ran full pelt into Mike knocking him into the ground before taking my fist to his jaw. I felt a tug on the back of my shirt, it wasn't Mike, and it wasn't Tyler, it must be Bella, I got up and turned towards her.

"Don't, I don't need you defending my 'honor' it's not worth it, I have none." She muttered to me, her voice full of self-loathing. Her sapphire blue eyes flickered to mine for just a second before she flicked her hair over her shoulder and walked away, leaving the book she had been reading on the ground near the tree.

I walked over to see what book she was reading: 'The Tragedy of Macbeth', the play we were doing in English this term, I saw her timetable lying next to the play, I picked it up and was anxious but delighted at the same time to find out that I had English with her, I'd bring her book to her.

I arrived at English just in time, to see, oh what a coincidence, the only seat left was right next to Bella, obviously it had got around about what happened to Mike as Jessica and Lauren were both giving her death glares. I walked over to the seat next to Bella, dropped my bag and slid my books onto the table. I chanced a glance over at her to see that she was focusing straight on the whiteboard, determinedly ignoring me. So instead of talking to her, I just slid her Macbeth playbook over to her and nudging it against her arm. Without even taking her eyes off the spot she was so focused on she slid her book the rest of the way to the other side of the table.

I opened my mouth in attempt to start conversation, but at that moment Mrs. Voss strode into the room. Bella slid her chair back, scraping it on the floor and approached her desk with her 'First day Pass' that she had to get signed by all her teachers.

"Ah yes, we were expecting you Isabella," Mrs. Voss said.

"It's just Bella…"

"Oh, okay then, if that's what you prefer, how bout you tell us a bit about yourself Miss Swan."

"Um, well, I don't know if any of you remember me, I used to live in Forks, I moved to Phoenix with my Mom when I was 11, I spent five years there, and now I'm back," she confidently said, seductively glancing at a few boys in the back.

"Oh, that's interesting, I'm sure it's a lot warmer there then here, why on earth would you move back?" Mrs. Voss interrogated.

Bella snorted before saying, "Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck. Till thou applaud the deed." Mrs. Voss's mouth dropped open a bit, before Bella added with a sweet smile, "I find great irony in the fact that we'll be studying Macbeth this term Mrs. Voss"

"Oh, well I guess it's good that you've already got a head start on the play then Bella… Thanks."

She walked back towards our desk and took a seat, we opened our playbooks to Act One: Scene 1. I barely paid attention as I stared at my page I glanced over at Bella to see that sure enough, she was doing the same. I decided to take a chance, and ripped a piece of page out of my English notebook and wrote, "Hi Bella…" I folded it in two and took the chance, closing my eyes and sliding it over to her before I could regret it. I felt the piece of paper slide back over to me, I opened it and read,

_Hi Edward… _So she actually replied, what does this mean? Agh, this girl could be so frustrating, she always had been, at least I know one thing hadn't changed, I scribbled my reply and slid it back.

I missed you Bella… So, I had no idea what that speech was about up there, but really, how was Phoenix? Better then here?

…_. Edward, I never would've left if I had the choice, and if I had that choice now being able to know what would've happened, I would've stayed. I mean sure, I got a better education down there, then at this little small school stuff, but… I really did miss you guys._

Oh, that's great! Cause Alice really wants to talk to you about… she snatched the note out of my hand before I could finish, she had obviously been reading over my shoulder.

_I said… did, as in past tense, I have gotten over it in time. I mean it was just a childhood friendship. People change Edward; you can't __seriously__ expect me to the same Bella that you knew all those years ago._ My breath left me as I read the note, surely she couldn't have changed that much, what happened to her believing in true love and fate?

Oh… well, are you willing to let me get to know the new Bella, she can't be that much different to the Bella I remember, I mean I know that much couldn't have changed, you still hate Newton, I still can't read you, and you're even more beautiful then ever.

… _Edward, I don't want your pretty words, keep them for some other girl that deserves them more. I don't want to ruin your image of the old Bella, she was so much better then me. Things changed in Phoenix Edward…_

Like what…?

_Alright Edward, just forget it, I was just trying to let you down easy, I LIED when I said I wished I could've been back here all these years, my dad literally had to drag me back here, why else don't you think you didn't hear more about my arrival? I threatened to tell everyone that I hated my dad and that I didn't want to be anywhere near him and that he forced me to come back to Forks. Also, I mean are you blind, just look at me, I am __too__ good for you, just leave me alone, I don't want to be disgraced by your pathetic attempts at flirting again. Remember what I did to Newton, just know that at least I had the slight respect for you, to not lead you on, like I did to him. That could be you next if you don't __STOP._

A lump grew in my throat as I read those words; I blinked back tears, what had happened to my Bella? She wasn't my Bella anymore she was just a _bitch. _

As I walked back to my car after health class, Bella was in my health class too – I had made sure to sit anywhere but next to her, I saw her walk over to Jessica and Lauren, "Hey gals, I'm sorry about what happened to Mike Jess, I just knew you had your eye on him, and I would never be able to compete with you," Bella explained to Jessica and Lauren, throwing a chagrined smile.

"Oh, so that's what that was about, that's all cool then, you want to hang out with us this afternoon?" Jessica replied.

"YEAH sure! That sounds awesome, where you guys going?"

I walked away before I could hear anymore, so Jessica and Lauren had got themselves a new slut to go with them, Bella would fit right in with them. I looked up to see Alice's confused face, eyes flickering from Bella, Jessica, and Lauren back to the hateful glare on my face.

"What happened?" she asked. I had been ready for this, I took the page or so of notes that Bella and I had written in English and handed it to her as explanation.

I climbed into the car to see Bella heading to her car she wasn't with Jess and Lauren, she must be dropping home or somewhere first. I shook her out of my head as we pulled out of the car park and headed for home.

**A/N So... tell me what you think, should i keep publishing? I've already done like 5 chapters or something to see if i could actually write this, but iono if ou guys wanna read it or not. **


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N So i'm not sure about this chapter... i guess it was just kind of a necessary one to 'build' the plot i guess. Bella has changed, so essentially she is OOC bear with me. **

Chapter Two [BPOV]

I organized to meet Jess and Lauren at some restaurant in Port Angeles, but I had to make a stop at the hospital clinic first. I parked my car in the car park, and got out, taking a suspicious glance around, to just make sure for whatever reason that Charlie wasn't here.

I walked through the doors and up to reception, "Hi I'm here for a check-up with Dr. Yorkie."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry dear, Dr. Yorkie had to go home early, one of her sons started throwing up at school," she replied to me, "But, I can see if another doctor is free for you?"

"Yeah, alright, I don't really mind… Thanks."

"Name dear?"

"Oh right, Isabella Swan, I should have a nice fat old Medical Record," I smiled gently at the receptionist.

I walked over to the waiting area to sit down and wait, not ten minutes after, the receptionist called my name and beckoned for me to follow her down the hall, she led me to an office opened the door and said, "This is Isabella Swan Dr. Cullen."

I rolled my eyes, "its just Bel-…" Cullen? Cullen? Oh god, please not Carlisle… I turned to look at him, he looked almost the same, the last five years hadn't aged him at all, the same beautiful blonde hair, the same beautiful bone structure, the same beautiful smile.

"Ah, Bella… it's good to see you again," he got up and closed the door as the receptionist walked off. "Ah, I see Rebecca forgot to give you a form to fill in, poor girl, it's been a awfully busy day, with Dr. Yorkie leaving early and all. He passed me a form and a pen. I read over it, it asked all the basic things, name, date of birth, social security number, and major sickness within the last six months, etc. etc. I skimmed down to the bottom where it said in fine print _Doctor Patient Confidentiality will be respected when attending Forks Medical Center and nothing will be discussed to anyone else without patient's permission, _I breathed a sigh of relief, at least this meant that he couldn't tell Edward. I signed the form and handed it back to Carlisle.

"All right, Bella, what can I do for you?" he asked, switching to professional mode.

"I um, I need a STD test…" I said quickly, before realizing I sounded ashamed, I didn't want Carlisle to know anything about me so I just added, "You know, new town, new boys, I don't think I'd want to pass this on." I couldn't help seeing the grimace that passed across Carlisle's face… he was disappointed, he quickly regained composure then and avoided my eyes.  
"Alright then, I'll just need to take a genital swab, if I can just ask you to lie down here," he said pointing to a mattress in the middle of the room. I bent down to unlace my boots, slipped then off, then followed by my stockings and my panties and went to lie down on the mattress. He took a swab then motioned that I could get redressed.

After I had finished getting dressed I sat back down on the chair near his desk, "Well doc. what's it look like?"

"It appears to be chancroid, I'm going to test this swab just to make sure then I'll give you a call, if I'm right I'm going to put you on a course of Ciprofloxacin, 500mg a twice a day for three days, then I'll need you to come back to make sure it's gone, but I have to ask, there's no chance you could be pregnant?

"Um, no… I just finished my period two days ago, and I haven't had sex for a week or so…" he nodded, "um, thanks Carlisle… Um, so how have you been?" I asked. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him thinking that I was a total slut.

I smile returned to his face, "Things have been pretty hectic, and I know Edward has missed you a lot, did you two manage to catch up today?"

"Um… yes, but it didn't go so well."

"Oh… do you want to tell me what happened? Maybe I can help"

"Oh well, um, if you haven't noticed… I've kind of changed a bit…" I gestured at my clothing, my eyes and last of all at the mattress, "I didn't want Edward getting caught up in all of it… so I kind of played his self-esteem to try and keep him away from me…"

"Oh Bella, you are a beautiful young lady, Edward would be lucky to have you"

I cringed internally at his words, trying to not let it show on the outside, obviously I failed, so I just let out a sigh and said, "Edward, would've been lucky to have the old me Carlisle, plus… there's still someone else." His expression changed, I could see his disappointment, but he knew it wasn't my fault. "He was there for me when I had just moved from Forks and was missing everyone, he taught me how to handled it, and how to approach life in general. We formed a sexual relationship when I was thirteen, and we've been going good ever since…"

"Oh, then how did you get the STD, was it from him… err… does he um have multiple partners, or do you…?" he asked awkwardly.

"…It's complicated… He's the only one for me, but I guess I'm not the only one for him, I mean I don't care really, I'm just lucky to have him, he deserves so much better than me," I said with a sigh.

Carlisle had a look of confusion on his face, but when he saw my watching he smiled and said, "Well, it was nice talking to you, I'll call you when I get these results… and remember to use protection next time Bella…"

I nodded to him and walked out of his office and back to my car, I swept my hand across the roof, this had been my going away present from _him_, a bribe for me to stay faithful to the bond we had formed, I sighed and climbed into my car. I turned the key listening to the quiet hum of my car, backed out of the park and hit the accelerator down speeding up to 60 miles an hour in 5.1 seconds, I eased the pedal down a bit more until I was flying along the road to Port Angeles at 80 miles/hr. I arrived at Port Angeles in just over 40 minutes; I found a park near on E 1st St, corner of N Vine St. I had no idea where Jess or Lauren so I decided to call them.

"Hello?"

"Jess, its Bella, I just got to Port Angeles, where are you guys?"

"Oh, we just like got here about 15 minutes ago, how'd you get here so fast?"

"My car silly, so where are you?"

"Oh, yes of course, we're at The Landing Mall, it's basically on N Laurel Street, off E 1st street… Can you find that?"

"Yeah I think I can, I'm on E 1st at the moment so I should be good, I'll see you in a few."

"Alright, we'll meet you out front."

I hung up and started walking, it took me about 10 minutes to walk the half mile or so to the mall. I saw Lauren and Jess waiting outside the entrance so I waved them down and jogged towards them.

We spent two hours in the mall, just window-shopping, well Lauren and Jess window shopped while I bought some new clothes. Afterwards we headed down took the short walk down to the restaurant we were going to Bella Italia, I took the chance of the walk to have a smoke, I took a long drag, relieving the stress of this afternoons events, Edward, then Carlisle… then my talk about _him…._

"So, Bella, why did you move back to Forks? I really didn't get what you said in English…" Lauren asked, of course she wouldn't get what I had said, only Mrs. Voss had, because she actually had read Macbeth, everyone would realize what I had said after they had read the play, then everyone would really just leave me alone.

"Oh, you know, my step dad Phil got into the Arizona Diamondbacks a few years back, just before I moved back to Phoenix, so life was good and stuff, but my mom decided that she missed Phil too much whenever he would go interstate for games, so she decided to go on tour with him, starting two years ago, so basically, I would be left at home for like a month or two at a time while my Mom and Phil were touring around the country, everything handling school, and housework just got a bit much so I just decided to move back to Forks to have spend some time with good ol' Charlie." I explained, of course this wasn't the full reason, but it was truthfully part of it.

"Oh, that must've been awesome at times though right? Like did your house become the _ultimate _party house or whattt?" Jess asked

"Yeah, it was, like every weekend practically," I said with a laugh. I loved how much of a compulsive liar I had become over the past couple of years; it was necessary to hide me in my shell. Of course I hadn't had parties every weekend, _he _wouldn't let that happen, the only parties we had were parties of two, and that was almost every night, and sometimes even during lunch hour at school.

"Oh awesome, hey, there's a party at um… Mike Newton's tomorrow night, I mean I know it's a school night, but his parents are out for the week, do you want to come? It'll be fun, I promise, I'll even put a good word in for you to Mike, tell him that you were just kidding around and stuff," Jess raved on.

"Um, how about you just tell him I have a boyfriend?"

"Oh yeah that one always works, good idea Bella!" Lauren put in.

"Oh well, it's actually kind of true," I said putting on that embarrassed kind of smile teenagers do when they think of their boyfriend.

"Aw, that's cute, well that'll keep him away, so will you come?" Jess asked excitedly.

"Sure, why not?"

For the rest of the night we planned our outfits, we decided to go back to Jess's house tomorrow afternoon to get ready, then to head out to the party.

I was actually kind of excited in a stupid kind of teenage way.

**A/N You know what? This button just below this text is actually really satisfying to press. Please please please review. I don't really know if you guys want to read this story, and if you don't i don't want to post it. I need reviews... if any_one_ at _all_ reviews, i will continue you it. I'm on Winter holidays now (they started early 'cause my school got closed for swine). **

**THANKS!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you to lizaaabg and Mrs. LutzJGA**** who reviewed my last chapter, i'm sorry about the wait... i've been changing stuff around and arguing with myself in my head. To answer to lizaaabg, there will certainly be a Jacob part. I recently went through and changed the name of my 'villian' you could say cause it was to personal for me to sleep at night using it in this story. I hope there isn't any slip-ups. **

**Also thanks to BellaAshes, beyondhope0322, Chatterbox1603, LilWitch44 (as well as my two reviewers), who added alerts for this story. Each one makes me all fuzzy inside.**

**Anyway, yeah enjoy?  
**

Chapter Three [EPOV]

I had been lying on my bed for exactly three hours, 23 minutes and 18 seconds. I had been counting the whole time, as soon as I had gotten home, I had gone up to my room, turned on some loud music and lain down. I could not stop thinking about what Bella had said, "Till thou applaud the deed", "don't waste your pretty words on me", "just stop talking to me", it all swirled around in my head like a big mess, the only conclusion that I could come was that she really had be letting me down easy, it wasn't hard to believe especially after what she had down to Mike Newton.

Alice knocked timidly on my door; I had refused to talk to her as soon as I had given her the note. "Come in," I called.

She slowly walked in and climbed up to my huge bed sitting cross-legged, she had the note crumpled into her tiny hand. "I don't understand Edward…" she said, "this definitely isn't our Bella, maybe she really has changed, and personally I wouldn't want to be around this kind of person… I think we should just leave her to the likes of Jessica and Lauren."

"I think you're right Alice… as always." I replied.

"Yeah, oh Edward, what a weird day it has been… come on, let's go downstairs, dad just got home… it's time for dinner."

We slowly walked downstairs; Alice had left the note on my bed, probably in hope that we wouldn't bring it up at dinner. I stopped as I heard quiet voices coming from the dining room, "I don't know Esme… she just seemed so distant… I mean I'm not even meant to be telling you this, the kids will be down soon, just forget it." I heard Carlisle say.

I glanced at Alice, she had heard too, I shrugged my shoulders and opened the door to the dining room, Esme was serving up plates of mushroom ravioli while Carlisle sat at the head of the table, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly worried about something… or someone.

"What's the matter Dad?"

"It's nothing son, don't worry. So, how was school today?" he asked.

"Strange… Dad, Bella's back." I saw the look of surprise that passed over his face wasn't authentic, "But you already knew that didn't you?"

"Um, yeah, I bumped into her at Thriftway this afternoon, she's changed a bit hasn't she? I mean… her eyes for one."

"She's a total bitch, and a slut, I mean she kissed Mike NEWTON!" I looked over at Alice, she was glaring at me, and obviously I had forgotten to mention this piece of information to her before.

"Edward… language, I don't want you talking about women like that in my house."

"Sorry Mom. Dad, do you happen to know much about the play Macbeth?"

"Of course I do son, I studied it in high school, ah, such a sad play. Why do you ask?"

"Well… the teacher asked Bella why she had returned to Forks all she said is, be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck. Till thou applaud the deed, what does that mean?"

"… Ah, what a cleaver girl, but Edward, I'm afraid you will have to work this one out for yourself." I just nodded, I knew there was no persuading my father

[BPOV]

I arrived home just after eleven and trudged slowly up to my room, I was so tired after today's events. I walked into my new bathroom; Charlie has gotten the house expanded so we now had a bathroom to ourselves. However, he had strongly told me he would not ever be entering my bathroom, so it was my responsibility to keep it clean, even though its not like it was Charlie who ever did the housework. I was silently thankful for it though, cause in the last couple of years I had taken to sticking a huge piece of blank paper over the mirrors in the bathroom, on this piece of paper I would draw a huge smiley face, you know that kind of creepy yellow-faced ones with the huge smiles? Yeah those ones exactly, I did this because around three years ago, I started to hate the person that looked back at me in the mirror, my brown eyes would stare at me, reminding me who I used to be. That was the reason I wore contacts, blue was a hugely different colour to brown. I walked back into my bedroom, a huge mirror covered one of my walls, and on this mirror I had stuck multiples of the same smiley face all along at my head level to the mirror. This allowed me to still see what my body looked like, without having to look into my eyes and realize who I saw staring back at me.

I walked towards the mirror and clasped the two handles in the mirrors to slide back the door to my walk in wardrobe. I dumped my stuff in here, got changed before closing the door again.

I slid into bed and turned off the light. Here was were I waited every night, hoping I would drift off to sleep easily, without my thoughts keeping me awake. Today's events flashed through my mind, "I mean, just look at me, you're no good for me", "Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck. Till thou applaud the deed", all the things I had done and said today just contributed to the amount of lies I had to keep up, I tossed over in bed and thought of the one line to some up today.

"_What a twisted web we weave, when we first practice to deceive." _

The next morning I woke up at 5:30, Charlie wouldn't be up until 6:15, I jumped out of bed, showered, stuck in my contacts and got dressed into a loose white shirt, a pair of black skinny jeans, tucked into ankle boots, I then threw my black trench coat over the top, and grabbed my white Flake Beanie cause I didn't have time to do my hair. I ran downstairs and left the house without eating breakfast, I got into my car and glanced at the time 5:55am. Good, Charlie definitely isn't awake. I started my car and revved the engine a couple of times, before backing out of the driveway. I started mindlessly driving up the street before turning onto the 101, where was I going to go? I saw the exit for La Push so I put my foot on the accelerator and exited, not many people were on the road at this time so I put my foot down on the pedal some more and went up to 100 miles an hour.

I made it to La Push beach at around 6:10am, I got out of my car and fished around in my boot **(A/N boot = trunk)** for a towel, I found one and headed down to the beach. I pulled my beanie on as the wind swept in, spreading my towel out on the sand I sat down watching the waves crash in. The sun started to rise 10 minutes later, spreading an array of colours across the ocean and reflecting rays of light across my face.

I must've fallen asleep or something because I woke up an hour and a half later, "SHIT" I yelled, a few of the Quilleute people that had already come down to the beach for an early surf looked at me. I jumped up, brushing the sand off my jeans and coat. I pulled the towel up and shook it away from me, I practically ran back up to the car throwing the towel in the boot and jumping in.

Five minutes later, I was speeding back down La Push Rd, I skidded onto the 101, getting a few honks, I pushed harder on the pedal now that I had a clear lane in front of me. Another car turned onto the 101, going about as fast as me, it sped to catch up with me, taking over me.

"Oh, not you don't." I said to myself, I turned over to turn my ipod up, playing Cold Hard Bitch by Jet, I slowly eased down my accelerator coming back up to 100 miles an hour, I watched as the car next to me did the same thing. I chanced a glance over to see who was in it, I swerved when I noticed who it was, Edward… I mean of course he knew it was me inside this car, he couldn't see me, but who else has this car in Forks, Washington.

I was going to have to win this to keep up my façade; I wound down all my windows, letting the wind sweep through my hair, and turning my music up louder so hopefully he could hear it.

We raced all the way into Forks before with barely slowly down I swung into Forks High School; I skidded into the parking lot and took my park. I had won. I grabbed my bag and beanie and gracefully got out of the car extending to my full height, raising my head and flicking my hair over my shoulder.

I knew all about playing the self-confidence thing, it was just my forte. A small smirk playing on my lips I looked over to see Edward and Alice getting out of their Silver Volvo, an embarrassed look on Edward's face.

I walked over, giving my hips just the right amount of swing before stopping in front of him, smirking and saying, "Oh, it was you was it? Oops, sorry, but you just can't compete with a Maserati, maybe next time?" I stared into Edward's green eyes before turning on my heel and heading to house group.

[EPOV]

I got up late this morning after barely getting any sleep last night I had overslept. I quickly showered and got dressed, I walked downstairs to Alice dragging my arm towards the car, I hadn't even had breakfast but I got in anyway, before reversing and going up the driveway, I put on a burst of speed as we left sight of the house and increased to about 70 miles before I flew out of our driveway and onto the 101. I spotted a Black Maserati coming up in the lane beside us, Bella… But why was she coming from the North, she lived on the south side of Forks… she must've been for a drive. The car sped up a bit to match with our speed, and then it swerved away from us, before righting its direction. Bella than wound down her windows and blasted 'Cold Hard Bitch' by Jet full belt. Oh how she knew that song was so true, after what she said to me yesterday, that's all she was to me _a bitch._

Five minutes later, we arrived at Forks High School… behind Bella, obviously this is what she wanted to do, 'put me in my place'. She skidded into a parking lot before gracefully unfolding herself from her car and shaking long hair over her shoulders. I got out of the car to see her staring at me, a smirk playing on her lips, she strutted over, hips swaying just the right amount,

_Cold Hard Bitch, she was shaking her hips_. "Oh, it was you was it? Oops, sorry but you just can't compete with a Maserati, maybe next time?" I stared back into her blue eyes, a smirk now in full blast on her lips. Then as soon as her attention came, she turned it away from us effortlessly disposing of us.

"You have to admit though, she is so goddamn hot Edward."

"Shut up Alice, you don't think I noticed the sway of her hips and the way her hair looks all windswept and how her skin glowed like she'd just spent an hour on the beach."

"Edward… I think that might've been what she had done. Spent a hour on the beach, I mean she came from that direction…"

"I don't even care actually, I'm going to house group."

I walked into History after coming from house group and took a seat next to Jasper, I don't think we'd talked in a good six months or so.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi Jasper, look man, I'm sorry we haven't talked in so long, but it was like when Bella left that we all just fell apart, but I don't want to give her that satisfaction now, she's turned into a total bitch, friends have got to stick together 'ey man?"

"Amen to that, now tell me about Bella." I spent the rest of the lesson just bitching about Bella and what she had said to me, I think I sounded like a teenage girl myself, but I really needed to get this rant out.

"Sounds rough man, but somehow I get this feeling that she's just putting it on or something, I don't know…. Anyway, we've got to catch up, when was the last time you did something with Emmett and I, you know hang out with the guys?" he asked.

"It's been a while…" I replied, "How about this Saturday, around 11amish, The Landing Mall, Port Angeles."

"Sure, sounds good."

We got up and left, parting ways at the door, I was headed for Biology, he for Gym. At lunch I headed into the cafeteria, and met up with Alice and Jasper. I bought a hot meatball/salad roll and a coffee and sat down at the table with Alice, Japer, Emmett and Rose. It was the old gang… just minus Bella, not that I cared.

I looked over to see her sitting with Jessica, Lauren, Angela, Eric, Tyler and Mike. Mike… she was sitting with Mike, and he was talking to her… kindly. Someone must've said something to make him forgive her. My mind wandered back this morning, where had she been this morning, she can't have been at the beach, it was way to cold for that. I swallowed hard, maybe she had been with some other guy, I had to know. I got up and headed towards their table.

I leaned down and whispered seductively in here ear, "Where were you this morning babe?" Two could play at this game.

She raised her head and looked into my eyes, and then speaking loudly, "it's none of your business where I go and what I do with my life."

"Oh getting defensive are we? Were you by any chance with some guy Miss Swan?"

I saw her face pale, and her eyes flicked down, "Of course she wasn't Edward! She has a boyfriend" Jessica shouted to me.

A boyfriend, a _boyfriend…._ Of course she had a boyfriend, she was beautiful and funny and amazing. But I had never really comprehended the thought of her having someone else, to her it had always just been me. That's before I noticed the expression on her face, It was one of painful relief. Why had she gone pale when I had suggested she had been with another guy? Was she disgusted, ashamed or guilty?

"One question then Bella, why did you look so relieved when Jess said that?" I said as she went even paler, shock crossed her eyes before they completely changed into one of laughter, her expression changing to the same.

"I love how you jump to conclusions about me Edward, you're the one sounding more like the teenage girl, I went to the beach this morning for your information. I fell asleep, because well I didn't get home until late last night," she said emphasizing every word before shooting a smile at Jess and Lauren. I fell silent, here I was making a fool of myself in the middle of the cafeteria, I stood stuck to the spot and just to make me feel worse Bella had to clear her throat and then say, "We're done Edward, you can go now." I turned on the spot and walked back to our table.

I ignored everyone else for the rest of lunch; they kept asking me why I had done that, and what she had said. I still couldn't comprehend the fact that Bella had a boyfriend; of course she would turn me down.

Emmett punched me lightly on the arm bringing me back to attention, "Edward, there's a party at Newton's tonight… I know it's Newton… but I figured you'd want to get your mind off things."

"Alright…" getting my mind off things would be nice.

**A/N All will be explained! And the mirror thing, I guess it's a bit of an exaggeration.  
**

**Review pleasee.**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N So i got no reviews for the last chapter, but like plenty of hits. READ AND REVIEW, they both start with RE, just do it.**

**Anyway, so I wasn't going to update until I at least got one review... but since June 20th is a rather special day. **

**Happy 108th Birthday Edward Cullen. I know what I'd be wishing for when i blow out my candles.**

**So Yes, Enjoy!**

**[BPOV]**

It was only second day and I had nearly slipped up, I had let my emotions show, that wasn't like me, I was letting my wall crumble just the bit, and it was all because of Edward.

We all drove separately back to Jess's house so I had some time to think by myself, and let my mask off just for a bit.

I turned on my car and got greeted by the familiar hum and the sound of 'So Beautiful by Pete Murray' coming from my ipod speakers.

I sighed, before backing out of the car park and driving behind Jess.

_Found myself just the other day  
In the backyard of a friends place,  
Thinkin' about you,  
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,  
What you up too where you been?  
(Just thinkin')_

_And all the clothes that you wear,  
And the colors in your hair  
Shouldn't change you  
Now you tell me why it's so  
You bigger than mighty Joe,  
(At lest you think so)_

_God my fingers burn,  
Now when I think of touching your hair  
You have changed so much that I don't know,  
If I can call you and tell you I care  
And I would love to bring you down,  
Plant your feet back on the ground_

When I had first moved to Phoenix with Renee, I had gone to school, come home, gone to school, come home on a never-ending cycle. It was all the same, I hadn't made any friends, I didn't – couldn't, I compared every person I met to my group of friends back home. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose and _Edward_.

But then _he_ had come along, he changed my view of the world, he completely turned my personality around, he made me cynical, selfish and manipulative, but of course he was so perceptive he knew just how to make me submit to him. My last five years had revolved around 'Would _he_ mind if I did this', or just pleasing him in general. I turned into a cruel person, leading boys on just to reject him to make him laugh. It was up until a year ago, I realized just how sick this relationship was and I tried to leave, but what he had done to my mind was permanently stuck there and he knew that, he knew that I _couldn't _leave. And now that Renee made me go back, because she finally got a conscience and thought about me at home, all by myself for months on end and sent me back to Forks. He bought me this _fucking _car to keep me quiet, to keep my emotional mask on, he had also promised that he would come and visit me sometime, just to make sure I was doing what he had told me to.

_Now the scene that you're in,  
And the people that you been with  
Just get to me,  
But you think I'm not as cool,  
as you are so beautiful  
Well who you fooling?_

_Well I'm here to tell you babe  
the game your in is just a game  
so damn pretentious_

I pulled in behind Jessica's red 1995 Nissan Sentra, that car just made mine look the better. It was then I realized that tonight, I would have to keep my façade up… My mask would have to be stronger then ever. I thanked god that I could hold my liquor, there would be no real truth and dare tonight, only lies and musts. I put my mask back on just as Jessica opened the door, she was grinning, obviously excited about going out and getting drunk for no reason.

I jumped out and squealed, "OH MY GOD, I have to show you this pair of boots I'm wearing tonight."

I grabbed my duffel bag out of my boot, and followed Jess upstairs to her room, this excitement I didn't have to fake, and I really did like these boots.

I pulled them out, earning a well-deserved gasp from Jess, these were one of my favourite pairs of platform boots with a four-inch heel, and they were lace up the front with chain detailing going around the back.

"Jealous?" I asked smugly.

"Very, very, very, I need to see your closet soon," she replied

"Yes, I'm sure you would love it." My collection of clothes was the one thing I loved about myself, my shoe collection (consisting mostly of boots), and everything else was where I could lose myself for hours. I pulled out the white mini-dress I would be wearing tonight, along with my black blazer-styled jacket.

I stripped off my jeans, jacket and top and pulled on my clothes for tonight. I got dressed then went to straighten my hair.

I parted it down the middle and straightened it down, then worked in a small plait in the middle of one side of my hair, hair spraying it in place. I applied some eyeliner under my eye, and then smudged it to get a smoky eye effect; I then curled my eyelashes and applied some mascara.

Lauren then turned up, so we were all ready to go, "Jess, who's car are we taking?" Lauren asked.

"Um, I don't know, who's going to drive?"

"Why don't you just ask Mike if we can crash at his house tonight, then we can take my car and leave it there and I'll drive you guys to and from school tomorrow." I asked.

"That sounds like an awesome idea Bella, I'll call him now," said Jess.

After Jess left the room, I looked to see what Lauren was wearing; she was wearing a short black dress, with black pumps. Her bleached blonde hair was curled slightly so it fell in waves down her back. She had too much make up to look beautiful, but she still looked hot.

"I like your hair Lauren, it looks really good like that."

"Oh thanks, I _LOVE_ your boots, where'd you get them?"

"Back in Phoenix, the shopping is a lot better there then rainy Forks, or Port Angeles… we need to go up to Seattle one weekend."

"Sounds like a plan."

Jess came back and said that Mike was letting us stay the night. So we all went out to where my car was parked and got in, I asked Jess what the address was and keyed it into the GPS system, I didn't want to have to ask her directions while we were driving. I started the car, and reversed out of the park. I let the car come to a stop before flooring the accelerator and coming up to 70 miles in just over 6 seconds. We flew through Forks at that speed, before I took a detour and stopped off at the Thrift way.

"What you doing Bella?" Jess asked.

"I'll be back, just got to buy something." I walked into the shop, approached the guy that was attending the counter, "Can I get some smokes please" battering my eyes at him, and leaning down slightly to show my cleavage.

"Sure, how many packets and what brand?" he asked, looking dazed. I told him I needed four packets and my usual brand before handing him cash.

I came back out of the shop and jumped back into the car, stashing the four new packets in the glove box. I took a cigarette out of my opened packet, lit It then looked at Jess and Lauren, "Oh you don't mind do you?"

"Oh… no… we don't."

"Oh good then, I've been craving all day."

We drove off again in silence, I turned on my ipod and handed it to Jessica for her to choose the song, she chose some sort of pop song and cranked it up loud.

We turned into Mike's driveway to find quite a few cars already there, among them… a silver Volvo. Jess and Lauren saw the look I gave it, so I turned to them and said, "Oh I'm definitely drinking tonight." They laughed, so I flashed them a smile before honking the car horn a few times to let everyone know we were here. Some people came out, among them Edward, I gave him a small wave in a patronizing kind of way.

We walked into the house to see the party was being held in his living room, the couches had been pushed aside and the TV moved, a huge stereo had been set up which was already blasting house music.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a raspberry Vodka cruiser. I popped off the lid and took a swig; keeping my lips tightly shut so only a little seeped through.

Move people arrived; Jessica and Lauren had already done a couple of shots and were getting pretty tipsy. I had been secretly pouring drinks down the sink, or accidentally spilling them, to make it appear that I had drunk more than I actually had. I saw Edward drinking a beer, than another one, and another one. He had come with Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rose. Alice and Rose were really tipsy, then the enviable came, they were going to play 'I Never', and 'Truth or Dare'

"Bella! Come on! We're all going out back to play." I followed along, accidentally dropping my drink on the way, and passing it off as drunkenness.

There were ten people sitting out there in a circle, Ben, Mike, Eric, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice, Jessica and Lauren, I joined them and it became eleven.

"Oh! Oh! I'm going first," yelled Jessica, "Truth or Dare BELLA." Of course it would be me, everyone wanted to know more about the 'new girl'.

"Truth," I said with a nervous giggle.

"When was the first time you had sex?" she asked. An easy question, it would just reinforce my façade as well.

"When I was thirteen." I said confidently, sounding proud. I saw a grimace come from Edward, then a look of disgust. Good, he would think of me as damaged goods now.

"Oh, you naughty girl Bella!" Jessica squealed at me, "Your go now."

It was then that I made the mistake, all because I didn't want Edward to hate me, 'I've never had sex with more then one person." I saw Jessica, Lauren, Mike, Tyler and Eric all drink which I found interesting, I wonder if their two had been Jessica and Lauren. I chanced a look at Edward to see his face relaxed slightly from before.

The game went on for a while, I pretended to drink to things like, 'I've never had sex,' 'I've never spent more then $1000 on a pair of shoes', which I saw Alice give me a small smile before drinking too. I also drank to 'I've never taken drugs,' which I saw Edward grimace at. This was all before the Truth and Dares came back to me, this time not wanting to sound like a pussy I said, "Dare."

I should've said truth, seeing as it was coming from Emmett, who shot Edward a look before saying, "I dare you to make out with Edward for 2 minutes Bella Bear." The fact that he gave me my old nickname made me cringe visibly, I couldn't stop that.

As I approached Edward, the thoughts of unfaithfulness couldn't stop from crossing my mind, what he would say to me if he knew what I was about to do, what he would _do _to me. I looked into Edward's eyes and leaned down.

**[EPOV]**

"I dare you to make out with Edward for 2 minutes Bella Bear." I saw her cringe at the old nickname Emmett used to call her, that was when I realized she was approaching me, I was going to kill Emmett, she was already irresistible enough with her smoky eyes, and her legs looked fabulous in those boots.

Her head leaned down towards mine, her eyes piercing into mine; they showed guilt and lust at the same time. She connected the last space between our lips and connected with my lips forcefully, the smell of her made me give in. I opened my mouth a bit, snaking my hand up to the nape of her name, I slid my tongue along her bottom lip. She granted me access and our tongues slipped together, gently caressing the other, she fought for dominance forcefully, pushing me back on the ground. Her lips left mine, trailing down my jaw towards my ear, she sucked on my earlobe, grazing her teeth along it, before she whispered, "I…" her phone rang loudly in her pocket.

She jumped up to fast to be drunk and pulled her phone out of pocket, giving a nervous glance at the caller ID, "Hello?" the slur that had been there before was completely gone. Had she just been playing drunk, so when she kissed me like that, her thoughts were completely clear. I watched as Bella turned red, but grimace slightly at the same time, I hadn't seen her be embarrassed for five years, "Yeah, I get the results back tomorrow I think, Carlisle said that's it's probably nothing to worry about and that'll it'll go away in a few days, that's if he has gotten the diagnosis right." Carlisle… she had gone to see my father? But when… it must have been yesterday, so he hadn't just 'bumped into her at the supermarket'. "Where am I? I'm at home of course silly, it's a school night." She lied through her teeth, yet her voice was so convincing, yet somehow whoever was on the phone heard her lie. "Yeah… I'm um, at a friend's party… No I'm not drunk, I've barely drunk all night… hold on Aro, I'm with company, just give me a sec. "Sorry guys, I'll be back, I'm on the phone." Of course everyone knew she was on the phone, everyone had been listening, and she knew that.

"I'm going to go find out what she can't say around us," I whispered to Emmett who was nearly passed out.

"Alright Eddie, see you soon." Everyone else had continued playing the game, so no one saw me sneak off in the direction Bella had gone in. I found her sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree, hands running through her hair.

"I had to go babe, I couldn't say no, I mean I didn't know how to get out of it without sounding like a complete loser." She whispered nervously into the phone, who was it that could make her so nervous, when apparently Phoenix had made her confident beyond belief. "No… of course not, I love you, why would I do that," her face went pale beyond belief, her free hand went down to scratch at her thigh, her fingernails dragging along her skin. "Who was it? Of course not, it was just some boy I had never met before." I don't know why she kept lying, I mean it was obvious she was talking about our kiss, and this 'Aro' could obviously tell whenever she was lying. "I'm sorry," caught out. "Yes, it was Edward… but it was just a DARE Aro, I'm sorry, it didn't mean anything." I was close enough now to hear the loud angry words that came out of the phone.

"LIAR, Bella! WHY DO YOU LIE TO ME, JUST STOP IT " I had figured out by now that this was her boyfriend, except, why would he talk to her like that, and if she was lying, our kiss had meant something to her, she had enjoyed it.

"Bella, I bought you that _fucking _car, to make sure you wouldn't pull a stunt like this, especially with EDWARD! I remember Bella, the love in your eyes when you spoke his name when I first met you."

"Aro, I could never leave you, you know that… you know it more than I know myself." She whispered back at him, I heard a loud, cruel laugh come back at her.

"Yes, I do know that. But still, I miss _you_, don't make me come and visit love."

"Aro… people will um, think differently of _us_ up here, it's a small town… and my dad he's the chief of police… he carries a gun at all times."

"Fine, whatever, but if you pull a stunt like this again, I might just have to."

Her voice went to monotone; "I promise it won't happen again Aro." She shut her phone off, and looked down to the bloody mess that had become her leg. "Shit," her head snapped around, probably sensing my presence, her eyes landed on mine.

**[BPOV]**

I stared down at my leg, it was bleeding furiously, I had cut a huge gash into it, it was pretty damn deep, I only hoped it didn't need stitches, "Shit," I looked around, feeling someone's presence, my eyes locked onto a pair of emerald green eyes. He had heard everything, the whole freaking conversation. His eyes stared back at me, confusion flickering through them. I said, "Think not of it, be innocent of the knowledge Edward." Then I ran, I ran in 4 and a half inch heels, ran all the way back through the clearing, slowly down when I came to Jess and Lauren, "Hey, I'm going home guys, I forgot that Charlie will kill me, he's a fucking cop, see you guys tomorrow". They just nodded back, just because one person had found out my façade, didn't mean they all had to. I jumped in the car, bleeding all over my car seat, and instead of driving home; I drove straight to the hospital. I was going to pass out soon if I didn't stop bleeding.

I searched in the car boot and pulled out the towel I had used yesterday, it was 2AM; I strapped it around my leg, and tied a reef knot, before walking fast into the reception area.

"Um, I cut my leg open, it won't stop bleeding…" I told the receptionist.

She paged someone, than said, "Dr. Cullen is coming, he'll be here soon." Oh just my luck, it had to be Carlisle didn't it?

"Ah Bella, back so soon?" I just nodded in reply as he motioned for me to go into an examination room.

I lay down on the examination bed, pulled my jacket off and put it under my feet before he had even closed the door.

"Ah, I see someone's learning their first aid 'ey? Reef knot and all, wrapped around going up towards the heart." Carlisle said laughing, "Now, now, Bella how did you do this?"

I saw no point in lying to Carlisle, even though I had already lied, "scratched it with my fingernails," I held up my bloody wrecked fingernails as proof. "I guess I didn't notice until it was too late."

"Didn't you smell it Bella? That's what you always used to tell me, that you could just smell blood before it was even there basically." He said to me, he hummed as he started to stitch up the wound.

Wincing slightly I vaguely said, "I got used to it."

He wrapped a pressure bandage around my leg, before moving away to let me sit up. I sat up and saw I had blood on my boots, "NO" I screamed, Carlisle whipped around to see what was wrong, to see me staring sadly at my boots.

He laughed then said, "If I'm right about one thing, you've gotten more like Alice, how much did those boots cost you exactly?"

"um, about $1000… I don't want them smelling like blood, I may have gotten used to, but it doesn't mean I like it."

"Anyway, I've got to get home, I don't think Charlie even knows I was going out tonight… Make sure you make really loud noises around Edward for me tomorrow please, I have a feeling he'll be a bit hung over."

"What!? I knew that he and Alice was going to a party tonight, but I thought they'd be responsible enough not to drink, at least not much, I mean you barely did. Right?"

"Yeah, I only drank what I had to… Anyway yeah, remember LOUD NOISES," I said with a laugh.

"I'll remember, don't you worry and I'll call you tomorrow about the results."

"Bye," I waved to him as I walked out, I walked back to my car, grabbed a couple of tissues and wiped the blood off the leather seats – thank god I had chosen black and not white seats.

When I arrived home, I saw lights were on, Charlie must be wondering were I was. I parked my car, went inside and waited for his yelling to come.

"Oh thank god your home Bella, I've barely seen you since you got here, you got home late on Monday, you left early yesterday, and now you go out somewhere and don't even tell me."

"I was at a party Dad, and before you ask, no I'm not drunk, not even tipsy, now can I just go to bed? I've had a rough night."

"Alright Bells, goodnight."

I walked up to bed, thinking over my conversation with Aro, I didn't know how much Edward had heard, but all I could assume was that it was all of it, I don't know what he could make of it from what he had heard, but me running off probably made him think the worst. I opened my closet door, to plan my outfit for tomorrow, I wouldn't have much time to get ready tomorrow so I thought I might as well do it now. I picked out a white and blue navy stripped shirt, a pair of blue denim waist shorts, some black stockings, and a black Emanuel Ungaro hoodie, for shoes I chose a pair of Aldo T-Strap heels.

I stripped off the clothes I was wearing, putting my precious boots on my shoe rack. I pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a black hoodie.

I crawled into bed, set my alarm for 7:30am, and slowly let myself drift into a light sleep.

**A/N So as I said - Read and Review sillys. :]**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N So I know I only updated a few hours ago, but it's pouring with rain and I didn't really have anything else to do. Plus, the start of this is left over from my first try at this story (I changed it a bit). This chapter is a little bit of a filler, but you get an insight into how Bella is feeling etc.**

**[EPOV]**

After Bella ran off, I decided to go home, I was starting to feel sick from drinking too much, either that, or the way her boyfriend had treated her.

"Hey Jasper, can you drive me home?" Jasper had decided to be designated driver for the night, so he hadn't drank anything.

"Sure, I think it's time we got out of here anyway. I'll get Alice and Rose, could you get Emmett, I think he's like lying over there or something" he pointed in the general direction of where we had been playing truth or dare. I walked over to the clearing and pushed Emmett over, kicked him in the side a bit, before he woke up.

"What up man?" he asked.

"We're going home…" he just nodded at me before he got up and walked slowly behind me.

I met Jasper, Alice, and Rose at the car and we all piled into the Volvo. The drive back to the house was slow, before Alice finally said in her drunken state, "How was your kiss with Bella Edward?"

I was lost for words, our kiss was indescribable, and I just wish I knew what she was about to say when her phone rang. "Her phone rang, it was interrupted."

"Oh, is that all you have to say?" said Alice with a giggle. I chose to ignore her, and we pulled into my driveway, Jasper dragged Rose and Emmett out of my car and threw them into his before he drove Emmett home, than went home himself with Rose.

We snuck upstairs into our bedrooms, without bothering to get changed; I kicked off my shoes and climbed into bed. I fell asleep before my head had barely hit the pillow.

The next morning I woke up feeling dreadful, I had a pounding headache, and a horrible taste in my mouth. Added to that, I heard a lot of noise downstairs; Esme and Carlisle were making such a racket. It was a surprise he was even home at this time, but he worked the night shift last night, so I guess he was home this morning… or on break… or something.

I got out of bed, and headed for the bathroom, I turned the shower to cold in an attempt to wake me up. I stood there, watching the water pool around my feet, I ran my hands through my hair and messed it up. I turned the shower off and got out, shaking my hair dry. I got dressed and headed downstairs. I walked into the dining room to find a groaning Alice, surrounded by Carlisle and Esme who were obviously trying to make as much noise as possible. I grabbed the box of cereal, a bowl and the bottle of milk before sitting down and pouring it into the bowl, and mixing it with the milk. I tried to block the sound my parents crashing around in the kitchen. How did they know we had hangovers? Someone had tipped them off…

"Dad, who tipped you off?"

"Bella, obviously, she was a smart one, she didn't get drunk like the rest of you," he replied, when had Bella gone to see him?

"She sure acted like it," I said thinking back to our kiss, "When did you see her…?"

"I had to stitch up her leg, she'd made quite a mess of it, you'll be surprised to know our Bella has learnt her first aid and doesn't faint at the sight of blood anymore, in fact she managed to drive herself all the way to the hospital while her leg was gushing blood." Ah, of course, her fingernails had cut into leg because she was so nervous.

"Well that'll mean she won't be wearing short dresses for a few days, her legs make my self-esteem plummet… sadly she doesn't see herself clearly." Said Alice. "And oh my lord, did you see the boots she had on last night, they were _the _Emma Cook for Topshop boots."

"Yeah, Alice, she almost cried when she saw she had gotten blood on them." Laughed Carlisle.

"Oh, gosh, I so want to go shopping with her now, Forks shopping sucks." She said, "If only she was our friend still… well she's certainly friendly with little Ed here."

"What?" asked Carlisle.

"Are you still drunk or something Alice, she has a boyfriend." I said emphasizing the last four words.  
"Didn't look like that when she kissed you last night Edward," Alice said teasing.

I flushed a dark shade of red; Esme had looked up at the word 'kissed' and was smiling at me. Carlisle was just smiling knowingly; he seemed to understand Bella better than the rest of us.

"We're leaving Alice, unless you want to walk to school I suggest you be quiet." I whispered to her before getting up, my head still pounding I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol that Esme had thoughtfully placed on the bench on my way out. I dry swallowed two before handing the bottle to Alice who also dry swallowed two.

We arrived at school with 20 minutes to spare; so I sat down to do some English homework. We were up to Macbeth's if it were done when 'tis done soliloquy; I was finding Macbeth a very interesting play it was all about deception and chaos.

Bella pulled in about 10 minutes later, getting out of her _beautiful_ car, no, just as Alice had said she hadn't been wearing a dress, but she still looked amazing, although you could see the bump under her tights where the bandage was wrapped around her lower right thigh.

I thought back to last night, I couldn't really remember what she had been saying to her boyfriend, but all I remember was that she was extremely stressed and she ended up running off when she saw me there. I did remember however, that she was waiting for results or something back from Carlisle. It frustrated that Bella seemed to be more herself around him then around us.

I saw Alice run up to Bella and start speaking excitedly to her, I saw Bella's face light up, then go back to one of disinterest. I walked closer to hear what they were saying, "Please Bella, won't you come shopping with Edward and I?"

"I think I'm busy this weekend, I'm sorry… I mean if it was just you, it's just your brother, he's always listening to my conversations." Her eyes flashed up to me, clearly seeing me eavesdropping, her words conveying a double meaning.

"How embarrassing," Alice said before glaring back at me. "So what are you so busy doing this weekend that you can't go shopping?"

"I already have plans Alice, sorry."

I took that moment to walk away because Bella flashed me another angry glare with hate-filled eyes.

In English that day we analyzed Lady Macbeth's manipulation of Macbeth, how she attacked his pride, before resorting to seduction. I still sat next to Bella for these lessons, and as much as she tried to hide it by sticking her hands in her hoodie, and pulling the hood up, I could see her growing pale and starting to shake a bit. Her hand crept down her right thigh again towards the bandage, and started sub consciously scratching at her stitches, I reached down and pulled her hand away, knowing she would pull them out if she kept going like that. If for anything, it was to save my father from having to stitch it back up again.

She flinched from my touch but smiled gently at me in thanks. She sat on her hand to stop herself from doing it again.

Why was this particular scene getting such a reaction out of Bella, had she been manipulated, or manipulated people in Phoenix, had she used her beauty to lead people on? What had my Bella done…?

**[BPOV]**

I stared at the play lines. This is why schools studied Shakespeare in school, because it could still be put into a modern context and nobody knew that better than I did.

**LADY MACBETH**

Was the hope drunk  
Wherein you dress'd yourself? hath it slept since?  
And wakes it now, to look so green and pale  
At what it did so freely? From this time  
Such I account thy love. Art thou afeard  
To be the same in thine own act and valour  
As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that  
Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life,  
And live a coward in thine own esteem,  
Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'  
Like the poor cat i' the adage?

**MACBETH**

Prithee, peace:  
I dare do all that may become a man;  
Who dares do more is none.

**LADY MACBETH**

What beast was't, then,  
That made you break this enterprise to me?  
When you durst do it, then you were a man;  
And, to be more than what you were, you would  
Be so much more the man. Nor time nor place  
Did then adhere, and yet you would make both:  
They have made themselves, and that their fitness now  
Does unmake you. I have given suck, and know  
How tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me:  
I would, while it was smiling in my face,  
Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums,  
And dash'd the brains out, had I so sworn as you  
Have done to this.

**MACBETH**

If we should fail?

**LADY MACBETH**

We fail!  
But screw your courage to the sticking-place,  
And we'll not fail. When Duncan is asleep--  
Whereto the rather shall his day's hard journey  
Soundly invite him--his two chamberlains  
Will I with wine and wassail so convince  
That memory, the warder of the brain,  
Shall be a fume, and the receipt of reason  
A limbeck only: when in swinish sleep  
Their drenched natures lie as in a death,  
What cannot you and I perform upon  
The unguarded Duncan? what not put upon  
His spongy officers, who shall bear the guilt  
Of our great quell?

I was a Lady Macbeth in a modern context, manipulative and scheming, just to get what I wanted. I may not have been the original 'bloody inventor', but I had still used those techniques, I had attacked their pride and seduced them into oblivion. Every night, I dreamed of what I had done to them, one by one, until with the last person, it was the final straw. It brought me back to Earth, realized what I was doing to these poor unsuspecting people, I was a selfish, cruel and manipulative bitch. There were no other words from it.

Edward moved my hand from my leg, he had seen me scratching at my stitches I really had to stop doing that. He gazed at me thoughtfully, CRAP, he was trying to think why this was having such an effect one me, how it could apply to my life.

I leaned over to Edward's ear, "I don't get any of this… do you?" It was pathetic attempt to throw him off my trail; it was obvious I got it. I was so visibly agitated by it, the scratching at my stitches, and the trembling of my hands, and hell I could even _feel_ myself going pale.

I chanced a glance over at Edward; he looked confused… surely he hadn't been gullible enough to believe me? Just like he had believed that I had ever _stopped_ loving him. I wondered how much he remembered from last night… he must know that our kiss had meant something, did he remember that I wasn't drunk? I didn't ask… instead I just leaned over again and whispered, "Did Carlisle do what I asked this morning?"

"Oh god, did he? I swear I got out of that house as soon as I could. My head is still pounding; I had _way_ too much to drink last night. I can barely even remember much of what happened…" he rambled.

Thank you God, for appearing once in my life and granting me his apparent loss of memory.

"Yeah you were really drunk. Couldn't help listening to my conversation could you?" I whispered harshly to him. He looked hurt, and then I saw guilt conveyed on his face, I was amazed, he was guilty for eavesdropping? He didn't know guilt… but I did.

People started to move out of the classroom, so I gathered my books and headed to my Modern History class. Eric came and sat next to me, he sat down and groaned clutching his head.

"Hey, I've got a question for you." He looked up and me, eyes pleading to just leave him alone. I laughed and picked up my bottle of glue, "Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle? You must know this Dorkie."

"Not now Bella…" he replied.

"If not now when?

"When I'm not suffering from the biggest hangover in all history."

"Your fault Yorkie." I whispered to him. I focused my attention back on to Mrs. Livingstone, we were learning about The Conflict in Northern Ireland. I groaned, we had already done this back in Phoenix; there was nothing worse than having to do events in History over and over again.

I slumped over my desk and rested my head in the crook of my arm, this is why I liked Mrs. Livingstone… she didn't care if you slept in class, it was your responsibility to do well in it.

At lunch, I talked with Jessica about what we were doing on Saturday. We decided to go to Port Angeles, and go to the mall we went to Monday afternoon, we'd get there at around 11ish, so it'd give us a good five hours or so before I'd have to head home to make dinner for Charlie.

That afternoon I headed to local Thriftway again, I plugged myself into my iPod before grabbing a basket, I hated listening to the supermarket music.

_Our time is borrowed and spent too freely  
every minute I have needs to be made up  
but how?  
I'm looking for a nice way to say, "I'm out."  
I want out._

That is how everyday felt I struggled with just living…

There was a constant argument in society about which emotion is the worst to feel, loneliness, hatred, jealously, helplessness, paranoia, and fear. I disagreed with all of these; I believed that at the top of the list was guilt. If you think about it, all the other emotions are caused by an external conflict. Sometimes this is hard to combat because it questions how far you will go to rid this outside source. But no matter how crappy you feel from hatred, rage, fear you always know that there is some element of good underneath, you didn't cause the pain you are feeling. But guilt… is different, you are the enemy, you are not innocent, you are the one causing it. All of those emotions you can do something about, guilt is ultimately there forever. The one question though is, how far will you go to try destroy guilt? How far will you go to destroy _yourself?_

_don't it feel like sunshine after all  
the world we love forever, gone  
we're only just as happy  
as everyone else seems to be_

That was true, I was only just as happy as everyone else was. If there was one belief I had it was that everyone hides the truth, everyone lies at some point in his or her life. No one is truly happy; everyone always wants more, whether it's a new car, a new lover or just something to eat that night.

_Happiness does not exist. _

**A/N The last little bit is a bit gloomy, i'm sorry. Song in this chapter is The World You Love by Jimmy Eat World. **


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry i should've written, I have been kind of busy the last 2 weeks, but not the 2 weeks before that when i should have updated it. Well here's a update now, and i hope there are still people that feel like reading this. This chapter took me a while to write really about a week, the BPOV took about 2 days, but then i just couldn't get myself into Edward's PoV without taking a break for a bit. I find it pretty hard to swap so suddenly all the time, though once i got into to it today it was alright.**

**Anyway.**

**Disclaimer: (I haven't done one yet - and this will be the only one). I do not own anyone of the Twilight Saga characters, plots, or anything associated with it. The author of the series, Stephenie Meyer does and she is wonderous for having create it. All of this plot is my original idea and any influences from other fanfiction authors were not intentional and purely accidental. **

**Chapter 6 - It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.  
**

**[BPOV]**

I woke up on Saturday morning with a bad taste in my mouth; I just had this feeling that today would be a bad day. I rolled out of bed at 9am and stalked into the bathroom to have a shower.

I dressed in a black tutu skirt, a black zip up bodysuit, studded black tights, a pair of fringe boots and a leather jacket. I applied some light powder and quickly applied eyeliner and eye shadow for a smoky effect.

I walked downstairs to have breakfast; I popped two slices of bread in the toaster and got the cheese out of the fridge to slice. The toaster popped and I spread butter and vegemite onto the toast and placed the slices of cheese on top. I walked to the dining room table and found a note from Charlie saying that he had gone fishing and wouldn't be back until dinnertime. _Perfect._

I collected my bag, stuffed a water bottle in it along with my wallet, phone and a few other things and walked out to my car.

I made it to Port Angeles right on time and managed to get a park just down the road from the Mall. I walked there, thinking about my life so far in Forks. No one knew about my past in Phoenix, no one knew about Aro, if I could just find a way to start anew, if only I could find a way to walk a new path in my life. If only I could find a way to let go of Aro, to leave him in my past, to just walk away from him, to walk from him to Edward.

Jessica came into view and I saw her wave so I put a smile of my face and pumped myself up for a day of shopping.

* * *

I stood at the counter ringing up the price of my new outfit. I saw Jessica's jaw drop as it came to a total of $4068, I whipped out my new black credit card, Renee had increased my balance, so I swiped and paid. I turned to Jessica, "Well… I know that was pretty pricey, but it was all the jacket that cost, it was like $2500, but it was just so beautiful."

Jess laughed at the expression on my face, "You look like this is the best day of your life. Come on, I'm hungry lets get something to eat!"

I just nodded and followed her even though I wasn't particularly hungry. I could go about 30 hours without actually feeling hungry; I only really ate out of practicality and habit, and of course because Aro didn't like his girls 'too skinny'. We managed to find a little café that served homemade pasta; I chose the meat ravioli while Jess went for the Ham and Mushroom Fettuccine.

We ate in silence, until half way through our meal Jess's head snapped up, she pulled a mirror out of her bag and checked her make up. I followed her eyes gaze. My heart sank. There were two boys standing in the line for McDonalds. Both were tall and had dark skin, dark hair and dark eyes. However, the one on the right was more familiar he was the shorter of the two, his black hair was chin-length and parted down the middle, one side tucked behind his left ear while the right side swung free. That was his physical description… but there was so much more, the look on his face, the paranoia in his darting eyes. I knew who this was this was my creation.

I heard a slight buzzing noise in my ear and realized that Jessica was talking again, "Hot aren't they? Don't know about the one on the right, kind of looks like his on drugs or something but I'd sure go for the other guy, tall, handsome, dark. Bet he has a cool name."

"His name's Sam… and the other guy… well he's _Embry._" I replied. At that moment, almost as if he has heard his name, Embry's eyes shot over to mine, a look of pure terror on his face. Sam followed his gaze over to me, the smile faded from his face, the laughter in his eyes darkened and turned to hate, and his mouth turned into a scowl. If there was one thing I remembered about Sam, it was that he was fiercely loyal.

Jessica seemed oblivious to the murderous stare I was now receiving from Sam, "So, how do you know these _hunks_?" I shivered at the description.

"They're well, old friends from Phoenix you could say…" I saw Sam unclench his hands and try to relax his face although that resulted in him looking severely constipated. It was a moment later that I realized that he was heading straight towards our table, Embry loping uneasily behind him. "Oh fuck Jess, we have to go!"

"But WHY Bella? He probably just wants my number, I mean I couldn't blame him, my legs look great in this skirt-…"

"Alright then Jess, have fun with that, I'll catch you later!" I made a frantic swipe for my clothing bags, jumped up and… _tripped. _Great, my severe un-coordination that had disappeared when I moved to Phoenix had unmistakably returned. I knew Sam and Embry were just meters behind me, there was no way I was going to get away, the clothes from my bags were strewn across the floor and my stitches were throbbing a bit. I quickly stuffed everything in the bags, composed my face and turned to face Sam.

Now that I could see his eyes up close, I almost shrank back in fear. But I was used to this kind of hatred. His eyes were almost burning within themselves, the cold onyx black piercing into my eyes, accusing and filled with malice. My gaze flickered over to Embry, his eyes were wild with terror now, but I could see a spark of determination and revenge lurking in them, this made me worried, very worried.

"Oh my god, Sam! Embry! What a surprise, what the hell are you doing up here in Port Angeles?" I said with fake surprise laced in my voice.

"Visiting our Fathers, our Moms both moved to Phoenix when they split." He said, although his thoughts were clearly on other things. "Seems to have been bit of a fad back then."

I tried to ignore the attack on my Mom, but Renee had never done anything wrong, she had just left, she had been able to. I would if I could. And I knew I shouldn't have said it, I should have conveyed an apology into my words. But I _didn't. _I attacked Embry once again, not physically, not even by the words I said, but by the sarcasm laced in my voice, and the humor on my face. That part of me that had taken over found Embry's 'condition' amusing. So instead I said, "Oh but if it hadn't been a fad then Embry and I wouldn't have had the pleasure in meeting and sharing all the moments we had together. I miss it so much. We had such a strong relationship, there were never any lies, only _trust_." I added a sigh on the end for dramatic effect.

Sam's eyes burned with anger at my lack of remorse, "Just like you and Jacob." I couldn't help the stab of pain in my chest, I leaned against the table for support, fighting to keep myself standing straight, fighting to keep my poker face. Sam noticed this; he knew this had gotten to me, he wasn't done yet either. "Yes, Jacob was gullible enough to believe your _lies_, even after he saw what you had done to Embry." He said, whilst glancing over to check on Embry. "That fucked up time in Embry's life, that you refer to as a _relationship_, changed him-…."

I couldn't help the whisper than escaped my mouth, "Children are very resilient Sam, and there are more fucked up things in this world."

"CHILDREN? EXACTY! You _molested_ him, you stole his innocence, his childhood. He can no longer believe that life is fair. You left him paranoid and vulnerable. How does it feel Bella? Ruining someone's life? Because Bella, I can assure you, it is all _your _fucking fault." He whispered to me.

"Sam-…" I tried to intervene, this was going to far and I could feel my composure crushing, the cement in my wall had gone, now all he had to do was hit the right spot and the wall would be gone, the bricks crashing down around me. That one little hit and my composure would be gone. _And it all came down to composure that's been lost._

"Oh no Bella, don't "Sam" me, I'm not finished yet. I want to put this on a bigger scale. Alright sure, you ruined Embry's life, but he'll bounce back right? You turned my life upside down. But sure, that doesn't matter. Oh well. But with Jacob, Bella you went _to fucking far, _and the part that makes me feel sick is the fact that you seem to gain some sick sort of satisfaction from it. Are you a fucking sociopath or something? Please tell me Bella, do you find this funny?"

Gone. Woooshhhhh, crash, crumble. I can see the headlines, "_Industrial Accident kills one."_ Guilt poured into my soul, consuming me, accelerating my heart and making me draw blood on my tongue. I cleared my throat, trying to control the sobs. "Yes, yes I do." I turned on my heel heading straight for the female bathrooms.

I slammed my way into a cubicle, dropped my bags and threw up violently into the toilet bowel. Sam was dead right, I had ruined their lives, but he thought I didn't feel remorse, I sure as fuck did, it was coming up my throat right this minute. He thought I didn't realize that I _had_ ruined their lives. I sure did. That's why I ran from Phoenix. What he didn't realize was that it had ruined my life too, it wouldn't be long now until the whole of my English class realized what, "Be innocent of the knowledge dearest Chuck. Till thou applaud the deed" meant. Then the whole school would know, then all of Forks, and oh Charlie, it would ruin him too.

The worst thing was, that the last thing I had said to Sam was entirely true. That part of myself did find Embry's trusting nature funny, his gullibility and his eagerness to throw his whole being into things. I had thought I was doing a good deed when I first started with him, teaching him to never completely trust someone. I was simply passing on Aro's lessons. But… with Jacob it was different, I did go _too far_ with him. He made me realize what I had done, that it was my fault and that I was responsible for the guilt and disgust in myself that I now felt.

I would say, I had about two week tops, and that's if Sam doesn't tell his Dad what happened. My past would always follow me; it was inevitable, the silent tears dripped from my chin onto my neck, rolling down my chest. Before soaking into my clothes. I sadly reached into my bag, reaching for a comfort, for my Valium pills – I desperately needed to calm down before I started smashing things up. Nothing… I couldn't find them. They weren't here. Shit.

I had to suppress the memories long enough to get to my car, I couldn't break down here, not in the shopping center. Not that it would matter; I had already lost my pride. For years, my only meaning in life had been as 'Aro's girl'. Doing as he had pleased, changing myself to please him, ruining people's lives to please him. That's why I had run, run away to Forks. It was fruitless though, Aro just asked Renee where I was, and off he came running to the airport. Not to get me back, he didn't need to do that… I was his. He came to ensure that I didn't tell anyone, tell anyone what we had _shared_. And when he asked me where I was going, I couldn't lie to him. He can tell when I lie. And truth be told, I miss him. He may have been manipulative and cruel, but I mostly escaped that. He adored me, he cared for me, he taught me just what the world was really like and what to expect. I couldn't run from him, because I loved him.

I opened the door to the cubicle I was in, grabbed my bags and walked over to the sink. I washed my mouth out and thanked God that I had waterproof make up on. Time to face the crowds, time to get back to the car. I swallowed my regrets, guilt and self-disgust and stared at my face in the mirror until I had painted my face with a look of carefree calm.

I walked out of the bathrooms, and back over to where Jessica and I had been sitting. Sam and Embry were still there, Jess was desperately trying to get their numbers still. But I saw Embry flinch every time Jess would flirt with him. I pulled out my phone and pretended to have a conversation, I know I know, lame huh? But I needed some sort of excuse to go home.

"Oh hi Dad. What's up? _Pause_. Oh you need me to come home now? _Pause_. Sure, I'm on my way, see you soon." I snapped my phone shut, "Sorry Jess, I have to leave early… Dad wants me home early tonight, we're having some sort of special dinner with the fish he caught." I paused and breathed in before looking over to Sam and Embry, "Well it was nice seeing you two, maybe we can catch up sometime. A double date or something 'ey?"

Jessica chose that exact moment to pipe in, "What about your boyfriend Bella?" Sam and Embry hadn't known about Aro, looks of shock and disgust passed over their face. I ignored them.

"Oh I mean just as friends silly. Plus Aro will never have to know about it." I retorted with a wink. Sam cringed, but not at the wink… he had cringed at Aro's name. _Shit…_ they know Aro. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck._ Did I mention FUCK? "Oh well… yes… got to run now. Ciao."

I walked off, trying to remember which direction the exit to the mall was. I passed one shop I couldn't remember, two, three, four. I was lost. I flunked down on a bench, dropping my bags and sighing in defeat. I was a failure, I couldn't even find the way to my car – so I could break down with no one seeing me.

_Pathetic._

_

* * *

_**[EPOV]**

I was on my way to Port Angeles. To be honest, I couldn't wait to catch up with Jasper and Emmett, I mean sure Alice was cool… but well… she was my baby sister (in the sense that we were actually twins). I hadn't hung out with them in forever. I don't know what we were going to do at the mall… none of us really liked shopping, but I guess we could just hang out in the food court and eat, eat, eat.

I pulled into the mall's car park and found a park fairly close to the front. I jumped out and started walking towards the entrance. This week had been confusing, Bella had returned… much less with no warning, not a whisper. She had pimp slapped Mike Newton, and then went to his party the next night where she had pretended to be drunk and then got a phone call from 'Aro'. Oh, and of course there had been the Macbeth reference. I shook my head to stop me thinking about it… this was my weekend, no more Bella until Monday. Thank God might I add.

I spotted Emmett and Jasper and headed towards them.

"'Sup Edward?" Greeted Emmett.

"Confused… but anyway lets go… oh and it's good to see you guys." I replied.

"You too Eddie, you too." Emmett added. I shot him a glare at the nickname. He just laughed, "Hey, don't kill me alright, I was just joking!" I just shook my head and headed towards the food court to hang out.

The yellow light ahead of us reflected in Emmett's eyes, "OH MY GOD. I WILL BE RIGHT BACK! McDonalds!" He went Emmett-Running off towards Maccas. **(A/N 'Maccas' is the Australian Term for McDonalds)** Jasper and I laughed, because seeing this huge man barreling towards the fast-food store was quite hilarious.

We chose a table and sat down waiting for Emmett, he couldn't seem to decided which line he wanted to stand in. He had originally lined up behind two guys about our age, they were both extremely tall, but one more so than the other, both had dark hair and dark skin. However, the shorter one kept looking at Emmett with fear even though he stood taller than him and was lanky, but still rather muscular. So I guess Emmett decided to change lines to keep the guy from running away. He wouldn't deprive anyone of their Mac Donalds.

Five minutes later, Emmett returned to the table carrying a tray stacked with bags. "So, I got four large triple cheeseburger meals, two big mac meals, four large fries, and I also got a happy meal! Look at this Harry Potter toy, look he raises his wand and everything!!!" I stared in awe at him, he had already proceeded to pour the ten servings of large fries into one humongous pile onto the tray. He grabbed a handful and shoved them into his mouth, devouring them before saying, "I don't know about those two guys I was standing behind with though… they're still there 'deciding what to order'. Maybe the short guy reckons it's poisoned or something."

"Emmett, the 'short guy' is taller than you." I retorted at him.

"NO WAY. Just look at him. I am so taller." He replied

So I looked at him, his eyes were looking away from McDonalds to somewhere to my right, but I could clearly see the fear in his darting eyes, and the malicious anger radiating from his friend.

I followed his gaze and found the person that seemed to be on everyone's attention this week. _Bella._ Though most stares she received this week had been those of lust, desire or of confusion. Nothing compared to this however. I saw the taller one walk over to Bella, trying to control his anger and the shorter one following cautiously behind him. She tried to get up, grabbing her bags before tripping. That was from her childhood, I always caught her when she fell, but I guess she learnt to catch herself.

They exchanged a few minutes of conversation before she in a nervous rush stuffed the clothing back in her bag and storming off to the bathrooms. Upon returning moments later, her face was relaxed and she was on the phone to someone, she snapped it shut, said something to the group standing in front of her and walked off.

I looked back to Emmett and Jasper, they had been watching me watch Bella, I glanced at them anxiously, and they knew I wanted to follow her. So I did. She walked hopelessly around, her head swiveling in all directions trying to find something. It made her awfully hard to follow; I had to keep darting behind kiosks and into little stores. I watched as her shoulders dropped and she flunked down onto a bench, dropping her bags beside her. Her hair fell in front of her face and she ran her hand through it in distress.

I slowly approached her, trying to give her a chance to see me before I said anything. Her eyes spotted my shoes and they rose up following along my body until finally they connected with mine. The blue eyes were dead and hollow, while all at the same time her pupils darted around inside her beautiful head in obvious paranoia and distrust. I had never seen her look so vulnerable.

Her soft voice broke the silence, "Hello sir, I can't seem to remember where the exit is, would you be able to show me please? You see, I need to get home and cook my father dinner." Her eyes looked at me properly for the first time. Her mouth forming an O shape. "Edward" she whispered. "Take me home." Her arms reached weakly towards me and I helped her up, taking her hand in mine.

We exited the mall before she pointed up the street where I saw her shiny black Maserati parked there. She leaned into my body as I walked her there, she reached slowly into her pocket and drew out the keys and passed them to me. She let go of me, and using the car for support walked over to the passenger seat. I jumped in and started the car before glancing over at her and driving off.

We sat in silence for the whole journey; her body was leaned up against the window, her eyes closed, breathing in and out deeply, trying to calm herself down. Although I could visibly see whenever a bad thought would cross her mind, her eyes would squint and her head shake a little bit as if she was trying to shake it out of her head. I pulled up at her house and turned off the car. I jumped out of the car and opened her door for her and reached in to help her out, but in a sudden burst of energy she pushed my hand away and got out herself. She walked in front of me to her front door, grabbed her set of keys off of me and opened the front door; she started to close it before she whispered a, "Thanks Edward." She shut the door but I waited there until I heard her slide down the back of the door and a sob burst from her throat. Her energy had been consumed holding the tears back for the whole trip.

I called up Jasper and Emmett to see if they could drop me back at Port Angeles to get my car. I didn't tell them how I got down here. Today I had seen another side of Bella, and _I was holding onto that._

**A/N Again, some clarification, when Sam says "You molested him Bella" i do not mean it in a sexual way. You'll have to keep reading to figure out what i mean. PM me if you think you know what's going on yet. Hopefully you don't... i mean it's only chapter 6, though i don't plan on this story being exceedingly long. Anyway, until next time. Ciao.**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N Thanks to all the people that have favourited this and the positive PMs I have received. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.**

**[BPOV]**

I woke up still leaning against the door. I could feel dried up tear tracks staining my face, and my throat was scratchy from sobbing so much.

Holding it in for that hour extra had made it so much worse, so, so, so much worse. The drive home in Edward's car had been terrible. Splashes of emotion had invaded my mind forcing me to relive the confusion, pain and humor, each affecting me in it's own way. I had kept having flickers of images, memories of flashes of blue and red reflected in glass windows and each scene was permanently engraved on the inside of my eyelids. They penetrated into my focus, disturbing my brain and sabotaging any coherent thought. And replaced them with this, the memories. I'm sure Edward had seen my facial expression change with each memory, expressing generally my disgust for what I had lived through, and what I had caused. I had shaken them from my mind, occasionally hitting my head up against the car window to distract myself and try to find my center back on Earth.

I wiped at the new silent tears flowing out of my eyes and pulled myself up, smoothing down my skirt. I headed into the bathroom and for once in a long time stared into my eyes, stared into who was looking back at me. I hated the girl who looked back at me, her eyes swollen with tears shed for her past deeds, deeds she should never have committed. She could not blame her behavior on anyone, she had played her part, taken her stage and in which she had doomed herself. I looked down towards the other part of the girl, her mouth. It was turned up in a smirk, this part of the girl was laughing at herself, and this part had corrupted her. But if I had to choose, whether it was the first girl or the second girl I hated the most, it would the first. She had been ignorant and naïve and at least the second girl knew the consequences of her actions, she hadn't been reaching into the dark. She was _smart. _

I had had enough so I diverted my attention away from the mirror, turned the tap on and splashed my face with the water trying to wash away the pathetic look of my eyes. Yes, they were my eyes, and I had to come to terms with that, it wasn't some other girl that I didn't matter to me. But that was the question; did I even matter to _myself?_

_What have I become?_

I headed downstairs and checked the time, it was 5:00pm; Charlie would be home soon. I headed back upstairs to get changed into something decent, I pulled on my pair of pajamas from last night and headed back downstairs into the living room before turning the TV on. I watched a bit of Family Guy and Scrubs, trying to cheer myself up before Charlie got home.

He arrived home around 5:30pm shutting the door loudly and calling, "Bella are you home?"

I mean my car was only in the driveway and everything but I wasn't about to say that so I just called a, "Yes Dad, in the living room."

He practically skipped in, a huge smile on his face, holding a plastic bucket in one hand that smelled oddly like fish, "Bells do you know any fish dishes?"

"Yeah I do Dad, I'll cook it. Just give me 30 minutes."

I grabbed the bucket and headed towards the kitchen. I chopped the fish's head off before skinning it and filleting it. I placed two large fillets on aluminum foil before putting slices of lemon along the middle of the fillet and placing cubes of butter on top of the lemon. I sealed the aluminum foil shut, grabbed a baking tray to rest them on and shoved it into the oven for about 18 minutes.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge before taking it into the living room for Charlie; who was of course watching the footy. I slouched down next to him in silence until the oven went off and I went to serve the dinner up.

I placed his plate in front of him, unwrapping the fish from the aluminum foil placing it on his plate before pouring the butter and lemon juices over the top of it. I added a pinch of salt on top and an extra squeeze of lemon to give it a bit of a zing of flavor.

I then took my chair; I looked up to see Charlie enjoying the food so I took that as permission to start my own. I figured some conversation was in order so I said the usual, "So what did you get up to today Dad?"

"Just Fishing with Billy. You might remember Billy Black, you used to play with Jacob when you were very young, probably don't remember him though."

You had to be _fucking _kidding me right? Dad was a friend of Jacob's dad? Oh shit. I guess I did the only thing I could, play it cool.

"Oh yeah, I remember them. What's Jacob up to nowadays?"

"Um, he is good." Charlie lied, he was a terrible liar, the way his lips clenched after he finished speaking, the constant looking at me to make sure I believed him, and the slight nervous scratch of his neck. "You know what?" he continued, "You should come up next Saturday, Billy's holding a barbeque, just a few of Jacobs friends are back in town, they used to live near you actually. I would love for you to meet them. I'm sure they'll be happy to meet you."

_Happy? They would be anything but it._ Charlie's eyes pleaded at me, "Please Bella, I want to show off my beautiful daughter. Watch all the boys fawn after my baby girl Bella here."

Charlie was an alright Dad so I had to say yes, even though it went against my every natural instinct to say no. "Yes Dad, I will go, just not for too long I get pretty tired you know."

He just nodded, "Thank you Bella, it really means a lot to me you know? And don't you ever forget that. I love you." My heart clenched, there was so much sincerity in his voice, not lies, just love.

"I know you do Dad," I whispered adding on in my mind _at least at the moment_. My mouth had filled with regret as I had said that, it made me realize the full complications of what it would do to Charlie to find out what his daughter was truly like.

_I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

I stared at my plate for the rest of dinner and as soon as I took the last mouthful I jumped up, taking my plate over to the kitchen sink and washing it. Charlie just stared after me in awe, I chose to pretend I didn't see him and headed up stairs to my room.

As soon as I closed the door I headed over to my locked set of drawers, I pulled the key out from its hiding place behind the model picture in an empty photo frame before unlocking the drawer. I took out what should have belonged in those photo frames, my childhood photographs. I only still had two original copies, the negatives for them were somewhere, but these were all I still currently possessed at this time, two photos to represent my memory of my childhood, which was pathetic. I took out my secret stash of Valium to calm myself down; this is what I had been searching for today in the bathrooms. They would've saved a lot of trouble today, but I wasn't going to waste them, so I popped down two before taking the photos, grabbing my iPod and lying down on my bed.

I stared at the first photograph; it was our group, Jasper, Alice, Rose, Emmett, Edward and I. We all had pure looks of innocence on our faces; we didn't know what the world could deal us at this time. We were naïve and young, just like we were meant to be. I looked over to Emmett and Rose who were standing together, Emmett's arm flung casually over Rose's shoulder but he had been caught whispering something in her ear and Rose was posed mid-giggle. I moved onto the next couple, they were sitting down, or rather Jasper was sitting down with Alice perched in his lap. Alice had turned her face around to face Jasper and they were exchanging stolen smiles between them. As for Edward and I, we were oblivious to the world around us, Edward had his arm wrapped affectionately around my waist, my body leaned into his, our eyes were connected love visibly flying between us.

At that age, we had thought forever meant forever. We thought that we were all destined to end up with each other. But it hadn't happened, at least for Edward and I. Alice/Jasper and Rose/Emmett were still going strong; well at least from what I could see. But well, life has complicated things for Edward and I. I didn't even know if it was possible for us to be together, I was torn between two people and how would you chose between two people you love? You _couldn't._ You couldn't leave one to die, while letting the other survive, you'd work as hard as you could to keep them both, no matter the consequences for yourself or risk hurting the rejected.

_Everyone I know goes away in the end._

_And you could have it all, my empire of dirt._

I closed my eyes, listening to the lyrics, submerging myself into them.

_If I could start again,_

_A million miles away,_

_I would keep myself,_

_I would find a way._

If there was one thing that Forks had made me realize, it was that if I could start my life anew, I would, without hesitation. I had so many regrets in my life that I just couldn't let go, and if I was given the opportunity to repent for them or to take them back, I would. I would choose to do it.

A tear rolled my cheek in self-pity. I pitied myself for what my life had become and most of all that it was my own doing that brought about this pity. I also pitited myself that I pitied myself, if that made any sense. The facts were that I couldn't just move on and leave this all behind. IT was too late for that. I threw the photos down on the floor next to me in despair, I pulled my covers over my head and willed myself to fall asleep.

* * *

I slowly walked out of the bathroom, staring in my sidewall mirror; I was wearing a very classic dress. It was a grey silk dress; the top half was shaped like a blouse with a tie around the waist, while the adjoining skirt-bottom came down in ruffled pleats to about mid-thigh. I had pulled on a pair of thigh high black tights; on top of those i had worn my black zip-up ankle boots. I looked at myself once more, I looked classy and appropriate, not too much leg, not too my cleavage, my makeup was to the minimum, a dash of mascara and some natural powder. I looked innocent, and that was the look i had hoped to pull off. I grabbed my black and white spotted clutch, shoving my phone, $50, my car keys and other essentials in there before putting on my white leather studded gloves.

I headed downstairs and waited for Charlie to emerge, i was riding with him tonight. Not 10 minutes later we were on our way to La Push. We had sat in silence for a while until I asked, "So... do you know who of Jacobs friends will be there?" I needed to know who knew me, who didn't. But now I thought of it, it didn't really matter, Sam might've told the whole tribe anyway, warned them that I wasn't' to be trusted. I wouldn't be surprised, it was in his nature to protect his people, and he should traditionally be in the council of elders because he was now 21. They all shared every secret they had, and it wasn't just about what I did to Embry and Jacob I was worried about, it was what they knew about Aro that really concerned me.

Charlie looked up briefly before answering, "Jared, Paul, Quil, Sam and Seth. I'm not sure if you know any of them really, unfortunately Embry can't make it tonight, he's not feeling well." I swallowed in discomfort, Charlie was right though... i only really knew Sam, the other four hadn't been in Phoenix, it had only been Jacob, Sam and Embry. But as I said, there were no secrets in La Push.

We pulled up in Billy's driveway, Charlie jumped out excitedly carrying his two six packs of beer. I gracefully got out of the car, smoothing my skirt down as I got up. I kept my head down, tonight; I was trying not to attract attention to myself. I followed in pace with Charlie to the front door where he was already eagerly knocking. An older man with dark skin rolled his wheelchair up to the door and opened it.

"Hi Charlie! How are you!?"

"Great Thanks Billy, I managed to drag my daughter along too, Billy this is Bella, Bella this is Billy." Charlie said enthusiastically, his hands gesturing between us. I raised my eyes but still kept my head down, I could see the emotion in his eyes, and he looked like he was about to be sick. Sam had told him. But the thing that really put me off was that behind the disgust there was... sympathy? I couldn't help the expression of confusion that crossed my face, i felt my lip draw into my mouth finding my teeth and i started to nervously chew on it. This was going to be a long night.

"Hi Billy, it's been a while." I joked, "Haven't seen you since I moved to Phoenix 'ey? Ah, that was such a long time ago."

"Yes it was Bella, how was Phoenix? You've seem to have grown up a lot since you moved." he said politely, he was keeping the facade in front of Charlie, but hidden in his words was the anger he felt for what i had done to his son, his only son.

All I could manage to reply with was a simple, "It was good." Before I excused myself to go hide in a corner for the rest of the night. I reached the backyard and walked in the shadows to the corner of the backyard, I had slipped into the space between where the house met the fence and slid down against the fence, curling my legs up to my chest to fit in the space. I pulled my clutch out, pulling out my cigarettes; those were my so-called 'essentials'. I lit on up, bringing it to my mouth, inhaling and holding it in my mouth for as long as possible before blowing it out. I watched the puff of smoke billowing out and mixing with the expanse of air that was around us. I finished off my cigarette before getting back up and heading into the backyard, stilling keeping my head down staring at my shoes. I really liked these boots; they were a cheaper version of these other boots I really wanted at the moment, and the ones I wanted were like a leather jacket... but boots. They were amazing.

My mindless tatter was cut off when I ran into someone. Goddammit it Bella, look down but look where you're fucking going. I raised my eyes slowly, noticing the dark skin of the Quileute Tribe hoping to God it wasn't Sam. I let out a sigh of relief; this boy was younger than Sam, probably about a year or so younger than my age of 16. However, he did look a bit like Jacob, tall and gangly he also possessed the same huge, happy grin. I let out a small smile at his expression. "Hi." I whispered, acting shy. I couldn't help it, my manipulative tendencies were kicking in.

"Hey, my name's Seth, you must be Bella." he said offering his hand, I took it gently and noticed the smile was still on his face impossibly bigger if anything. I could assume from this that he was too young for Sam to warn about me, he didn't hate me.

"Yeah I'm Bella." I said with a small giggle, looking up at him from under my eyelashes

"Come with me, I'll introduce you to the guys." he said sounding excited, he reached for my hand and i took it interlocking my fingers with his. I didn't want to follow him, but i guess i did.

He led me over to a table where four guys were stuffing their faces with huge steak burgers. I couldn't help but laugh at their gluttony; this is what I felt like to be a teenager, laughing at people's eating habits.

I had a small smile on my face still when Seth introduced me to 'the guys', "Bella this is Paul, Jared, Quil and Sam, guys this is Bella, she's Charlie's daughter." I carefully looked over to Sam's eyes; they held the same malice that they did from last Saturday.

I quickly averted my eyes back to Paul, Jared and Quil who had all dropped their burgers, I grinned quickly, still ignoring Sam, and said, "Gluttony is a sin."

"Lying is a Sin." Sam interjected.

"Anger is a sin and "if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" Matthew 6:15." My eyes turned pleadingly, I didn't want a night of drama, I just wanted to act like a teenager tonight; have some fun. "Please Sam… I'm trying."

"If you're trying, then leave. Why are you even here?"

"I didn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings."

"I'm pretty sure you will have soon, you know that Billy knows don't you? He knows about his son, he knows about that fucking _monster_ you call Aro." I flinched, gasping for air I looked towards the others. Crap, they all wore the same expression of Sam. Well except for Seth, he just looked confused.

"You don't know him," was all I managed to whisper out. I squinted my eyes, trying to stop the pain from emerging, I heard a small sound coming out of my throat, the tears built in my eyes but I blinked them back, "I love him."

The next thing I saw was the huge figure of Paul standing over me, his fists clinched, but his face showed nothing, no emotion. His body shook a bit, he was angry, real angry.

To say I was scared would be a lie, because I wasn't. This was familiar, this wasn't confusing, and I closed my eyes and embraced what was about to happen.

**A/N Until next time. Review pleaseee. **

**Song in this was Hurt by Nine Inch Nails, but the one I listened to while I wrote the first half was by Johnny Cash. **

**And by the way, I know i've been drawing it out a bit and half the time Bella is contridicting herself, but that is because she is confused. She doesn't know who to blame for what has happened in her life. Firstly, it was Aro, but now she's moved on a bit more to realise that even if Aro had manipluated her, it was ultimately her who had committed the sin. The reason I've been drawing it out is because I want you to get to know how Bella is really feeling before she reveals what she did. She hates what she has done, but because of her pride she can't let anyone know that. This chapter was the first ime she actually asked someone to go easy on her. Hence, the "Please Sam... I'm trying." trying being, she is _trying _to repent for what she has done. **


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while, i've been pretty darn busy with sport and school. On top of that, this chapter was pretty hard for me to write... well not particularly the Bella part, but i suck at Edward's p.o.v (i'm sorry). Anyway to the story.**

_Previously on; 'They'll Only Miss You When You Leave' _

_"You don't know him," was all I managed to whisper out. I squinted my eyes, trying to stop the pain from emerging, I heard a small sound coming out of my throat, the tears built in my eyes but I blinked them back, "I love him."_

_The next thing I saw was the huge figure of Paul standing over me, his fists clinched, but his face showed nothing, no emotion. His body shook a bit, he was angry, real angry._

_To say I was scared would be a lie, because I wasn't. This was familiar, this wasn't confusing, and I closed my eyes and embraced what was about to happen._

**[BPOV]**

I felt his hands connected with my shoulders, pushing me over. I hit the ground, hard. I didn't look up, I didn't care what happened, and frankly I felt that I deserved it. I waited and I waited, but nothing happened.

I started focussing my attention back to reality, opening my eyes and looking up. Seth had Paul's arm grasped tightly in his and he was whispering harshly into his ear, I ignored what they said though. I looked over to Sam who was hesitantly holding onto Paul's other arm, somehow I didn't think Sam would mind Paul pulverising me. I mean I would understand, if someone did that to my best friend I would be pissed.

I looked down to my body, blushing when I realised that my dress had ridden up to my hips, I was flashing everyone. But that wasn't my major concern, it was the angry red scar on my leg that peeked out from the top of my panties and continued down onto my leg to about mid-thigh. The badly healed skin was jagged and raised above my normal skin level. I had thanked god that Carlisle had ignored this when he diagnosed me (I went to get my medication this week and it was all clearing up), but now everyone was definitely noticing. I pulled my skirt down hastily and stood up, bringing my hair in front of my face, trying to hide my eyes. That scar was the reminder of what could happen if I tried to escape his grasp, I had only tried once, and that was a consequence, him physically marking him as mine. No one wanted a girl that had a huge scar going down the side of her pelvis.

I approached Paul who was still shaking a bit with anger I lowered my eyes, trying to control the tears and looked up at him, "I'm really sorry, I messed up big time."

The fact that I didn't mention the fact that Paul had pushed me over didn't escape Sam. He looked me over, glancing to the area where my scar had been revealed, "Obviously a bit of a push over is nothing compared to what you're used to."

I started to glare at him about to hiss out a nasty comment before I just let my eyes drop in defeat, there was no point lying to myself. Sam's shoulders drooped a bit from his aggressive stance, he noticed my defeat and he wasn't the kind of man to throw a punch to the wounded. I swerved my eyes up to find Charlie; he was there, pair of tongs in hand looking confused. I don't think he had seen, but he was sure to hear about it soon. I mean, even right now, I could hear the whispers spreading around the backyard, "did you see that?" and other variations. I let my hair fall in front my face, shielding me from all the stares and walked to the back door. I opened it and let the flimsy screen door slam shut behind me, I hadn't meant for the dramatic exit but it couldn't be helped.

I opened the door to Charlie's car, I was initially going to just wait here, but he had left the keys in the ignition. Of course, this was La Push, he was the police chief, and no one would steal the police chief's car except maybe his daughter. I told myself I wasn't stealing, only borrowing as I started the car, slamming the gears in reverse before hitting the accelerator and zooming out of where Charlie was parked.

I collapsed onto my bed when I got home, locking the door to my room. My face pressed into my pillow, silent screams coming out of my mouth as the memory flashed back to me in full.

I_ stood by my old beat up truck; I had made it… to the airport. I had come straight from Jacob's house… The guilt poured out of me, I had just wanted to escape, leave everything behind me. I made it to the entrance, before a voice behind me made me turn._

_"I knew you would do this you failed me Bella." The man there stood in front of me, tall, pale skin with cold piercing blue eyes, just like mine. Across his face flashed a cynical smirk, his dilated pupils kept their unwavering stare into mine._

_"I did exactly what you had asked Aro…" I shakily had replied._

_"No you didn't, you are to weak to ever fulfil what I need you do to. Look at you now, trying to escape. But you can't. Realise that, you will come begging back." He whispered at me, taking me gently by the arm. I didn't resist, I knew I deserved whatever was coming for me. How could I have just expected for me to commit a sin and then run? Life didn't work like that, karma always came back to get you._

My on stream of memories was interrupted when my phone rang, I stared at the screen it was an unknown number.

I picked it up, glancing one more time at my locked door, as if I expected for Aro to come bursting in the door at any moment.

I pressed the small green button on the screen of my phone and held it to my ear, waiting for a voice to wake me up from my trance.

"Bella? It's Edward, um.. I just thought I would see how you are… err, um…"

Fuck me, it was Edward, I wasn't ready to talk to him, in fact I hadn't been ready to talk to him all week. I brought the phone away from my ear slamming my finger onto the red button. I felt bad hanging up on him, but how had he even gotten my number in the first place?

I squashed my face back into my pillow awaiting the memories' return.

**[EPOV]**

I lay on my bed, wasting away my Saturday night… Alice had asked if I had wanted to go shopping, but well… I was afraid I would see Bella in the same sort of state as last weekend.

This week at school had been… interesting, I had barely seen Bella except for the classes that we shared. In which she kept her head down, she barely drew much attention to herself in her second week at school… well at least compared to her first week. Whispers of her name still floated around, and every now watched her in English as we approached closer and closer towards the scene she had quote from, they watched her forced indifference towards the play and speculated about why she seemed so personally familiar with it. I mean, after all… the play was about manipulation, death and personal destruction of ones soul.

During the week I had acquired Bella's number from Jessica Stanley, it wasn't hard really, I just convinced her that there was something in it for her. Although, in saying that I hadn't actually called her until tonight, she had picked up and then hung up as soon as she heard who it was, guess I expected that though.

I trudged downstairs feeling hungry, I hadn't eaten earlier at dinnertime so I figured a late night snack was in order instead. Alice flittered around me while I made myself a sandwich; honestly, she was annoying as a fly sometimes. Her recounting of telling me everything she had bought today was interrupted when her phone rang, "Damn youse a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch." Of course my younger sister would have that ring tone.

I rolled my eyes as she answered with a squeal, but the name that from her lips was not what I was expecting… Jasper, Rose sure… but Bella? Alice motioned at me to be quiet and pressed the speakerphone button on her phone, lying it down on the kitchen counter.

"Bella! What you doing darling?" Alice replied to the current silence.

"Um, not much really, just got a lot on my mind at the moment, I thought who better to distract me with mindless chatter than my dear friend Alice Cullen?" Since when had Alice again become Bella's dear friend?

"Um… HELLO BELLA, MINDLESS CHATTER? Well thank you, I'm glad you think so highly of what I have to say."

"I'm joking Alice, you know we used to be able to talk and talk for hours about um… certain subjects." Bella replied with a small giggle, I hadn't heard her so happy since she had moved back.

"Oh yes oh yes Bella, we did we did. So what were you calling for?"

"Well that's just it Alice, the weather forecast for tomorrow is nice and bright and sunny and I figured we could go to the beach 'ey?"

"Oh I'm not sure Bella, I couldn't leave Edward at home all by himself… you know how he is." I glared at Alice and mouthed to her that I would get her back later.

"I guess I guess, you can ask him if he wants to come… as long as I get to drive." I gave a silent nod – yes. Of course I wanted to come, hell even if I wasn't driving.

"Of course he'll want to come… I just know it. So Bella, do I get to pick you out a swim suit?" Alice said with growing excitement.

"Well… um… Alice I don't swim."

"You don't have to swim to wear a bikini silly!"

"I swim but I don't wear um… anything revealing."

"Oh come on Bella, you have a gorgeous ass what you doing putting it to waste hidden in all those dresses and skirts?"

"It's not my ass I'm worried about Alice, I've done plenty of squats to keep that in order. It's my legs… but it's something I'll tell you about sometime later Alice… just trust me. Let me wear what I want to wear, I mean my clothes aren't that bad are they?"

"I guess you're right, so I'll meet you at your house at 8am? The morning at the beach is always the best, especially with our paleness." Alice squealed quickly.

"Sure Alice, I'll see you then I guess. Goodnight." She said before hanging up.

Alice turned to me, raised her eyebrows and said; "I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7:45am? Goodnight Edward."

We arrived the next morning at 8am sharp. Bella was already waiting on the porch, she certainly looked overdressed for the beach – but I guess she could just be celebrating the warm weather. She wore a simple white dress, covered with a sleeveless sequined cardigan, she had matched it with black tights and a pair lace up wedge ankle boots, how she was going to walk in the sand in those was beyond me. Around her neck was a black and white tie-dyed scarf, what really surprised me was the Tiffany & Co. diamond and white gold watch and the diamond earrings. Bella was never one to wear that sort of stuff… especially to La Push beach.

She led the way to her car; it took her a little while to climb into the car because of those damn 5-inch heeled shoes. I got into the backseat, Alice the front and she started the car, speeding out of the driveway and away to La Push.

It didn't take us long to get there, hell she drove nearly as fast as I did… maybe even faster. When we arrived she popped the boot on her car and grabbed a towel out for her to sit on. We all walked over towards the surf, not really saying anything.

Alice just stared at Bella's watch until she finally broke the silence and said to Bella, "Holy crap Bella, how much did that watch cost?"

Bella blushed, "um 70 grand… it was gift."

"From?" Alice inquired; I nudged her trying to tell her to stop being nosy.

"Um… the boyfriend."

"Ah…" Alice simply said before running off towards the sand, her short hair flying in the wind.

Bella laughed at her craziness and quickened her pace following her. Her shoes sank into the soft sand and she muttered a quick curse before leaning down and untying them.

She now ran in her black tights after Alice, her hair was tied up, braids around the side of her hair with her crystal hairpiece sparkling beautifully in the sun, making her skin seemingly glow.

Alice and her finally collapsed panting onto the towel that Bella had spread out onto the beach. They laughed together and were all smiles, it would have made a brilliant photo. I joined them, sitting down next to Alice. Bella stared off into the ocean, her face completely still and thoughtful.

I know I probably shouldn't have ruined her moment, but when else was I going to get the chance to talk to her again? So I asked, I asked her about the previous weekend… I just got met with a blank stare, before she replied, "Sam and I aren't the best of friends."

"Ah" was all I replied with. "So what did you do last night?" I added trying to make small talk.

"Went to the Black's house, Sam was there. It was sufficiently awkward." She replied.

Ironically at that moment, guess who turned up? Sam… "Hey Bella?"

Her head swerved around, looking in the direction of the voice. "Oh… hi Sam."

"Err… did your Dad get home 'lright last night Bella? I had to ask Sue Clearwater to give him a lift back after you took his car." He said to her.

"Well… actually I haven't seen him this morning, I kind of left early, and he's a Sunday Sleeper so… um…" Bella stopped talking at this point, her head dropping a bit she peered up through her eyelashes and said in a small voice, "Sam what did he see?"

"I don't think he actually saw anything, but everyone told him Bella… it's quite a talker, and I'd be careful hanging out at this beach if you don't want those two to find out. And… Charlie, well he'll be wanting an explanation" He said warning her, since when would Sam be civil to Bella? Especially after the look he was giving her last Saturday, and what was he talking about, what did he see?

"What are you talking about Bella?" I asked.

She faltered a bit, probably realising that I was actually here, "Oh… um nothing it's just about something that happened last night. You see Paul pushed me beca-"

"WHAT? Someone touched you?" I yelled, interrupting whatever she was about to say, nothing would make up for that disgusting behaviour. Who did fucking Paul think he was, that douche was always going on about 'protecting' bullshit yet he goes and pushes Bella?

"No… Edward you're misunderstanding me-" She had cowered a back bit at my outburst, I was standing over her my fists clenched, the veins popping out of my biceps.

"Edward? Edward Cullen? Ah yes, clearly your reputation doesn't speak clearly of you, you sure have a fiery temper for the 'well mannered gentleman' that I keep hearing of, but I wouldn't go to say that Paul was being outwardly violent." Sam said pushing me away from Bella.

"Like you can fucking talk, I saw that look you gave her at the mall last Saturday, what did she do? Run over your puppy?" I countered.

Alice gasped at this, staring from Bella to Sam and then to me, and then she got up and walked towards me her small hand pulling on my arm her eyes looked up at me, "Edward… let's just go." She motioned to Bella and she got up, picking up the towel and those death traps and started walking towards her car, Alice following her, pulling me behind her. I sent one look back at Sam's blank face, I saw his face sigh and his bare foot kicked at the sand once before her turned and too left.

We had left the beach in the middle of an argument, interrupted by one small gasp; it had become the wake of our destruction, memories lasting there forever. We would never remember the beach the same, not as the place of our childhood memories, of stolen smiles and laughs, but one of arguments, secrets and disorder.

_The storm will slowly close in on me  
when it's time to leave_

**A/N Sorry for the abrupt ending, but i felt that Alice needed to have a bit of a realisation attack - cause it's always Alice that finds out first isn't it? I'm glad to say that the the plot will be moving on again soon in the next chapter or two... so get ready._ Anyway, so tell me what you think!_**_  
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	10. Chapter 9

**A/N I'm still not sure about this chapter but I haven't posted in so long I figured I would just do it anyway. Oh and I added a prologue as well - I would go read it before reading this chapter (if you haven't read it already).  
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**Chapter 9: Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.**

**[BPOV]**

That Sunday evening I walked into the house after a very eventful afternoon. Edward and Alice had just left in the Volvo and we'd barely even said goodbye. I kicked my shoes off near the door before heading up stairs to get changed. I got changed into a pair of flannel pants and a shirt, before I disappeared into the bathroom for a little while. After I had finishing attending to 'business' I headed down to the kitchen. I figured that Charlie would have questions for me tonight, and I couldn't avoid it any longer, and Renee was always a firm believe in having a 'good' meal to talk things over with (she attempted to make a stir-fry the night she told me that Phil and her were getting married).

I pulled open the cupboard doors and grabbed out a packet of pasta, and some sauce that I had bought earlier in the week. I threw a pot of water onto the stove to heat up, before opening the fridge and taking out capsicum, tomatoes, carrot, sun dried tomatoes, onion and some olives. I chopped everything up while the pasta cooked away, before sautéing the onions in a separate fry pan. When they had browned and the kitchen had filled with the delicious smell of cooked onion I drained the pasta and threw all the vegetables and the sauce into the pasta pot as well to leave them to heat up.

Just as I was serving up I heard Charlie come in the door and before he could ask I called out, "Yes I am here Dad, dinner's on the table."

"Oh hi Bells, I actually didn't expect you to be here, I mean I haven't seen you all week practically. It's like you've been avoiding me." He stared up at me, hands gripped nervously on the back of his chair. I could tell he wasn't used to this.

"Oh you know I've just been busy. I've had to establish myself in Forks all over again. Make an impression y'know?" I said flippantly, trying to brush it off. "And sure did I, did you see their faces on Saturday Night? Boy did I fool them." I added with confidence putting in the laugh at just the right place.

"You serious Bella? That wasn't real?" Charlie said in total utter surprise.

"Yeah Dad, it's amazing what make-up can do these days." I replied, totally not believing that he was buying this. But I knew I had to make him believe it. So I pulled down my flannel pants just a bit to show the top of my panty line where the 'supposed' scar had begun. This is what I had been attending to in the bathroom; this is why I had dimmed the lights. I had somehow managed to cover the thick jagged scar up with stage makeup. Although you couldn't see the colouring anymore, I still had to dim the lights so that you couldn't see the shit load of make up I had to put on it for this plan to succeed. "See, nothing huh?"

"Oh wow Bells, you sure have to show me how to fabricate a scar like that sometime. You sure fooled everyone at Billy's party, now I get to tell him what a genius my daughter is." Charlie said with a laugh.

I turned around and gave a slight sigh of relief; I was lucky that Charlie was a small town cop. I could not actually believe he believed it; it was such a lame excuse. But it was the best I could come up with… I mean something like, "I cut myself shaving or I dropped a knife" wouldn't work. I mean, what else was I meant to say? I sat down to dinner and kept my eyes carefully trained on my plate while I was slowly digesting my food.

I jumped in the shower after dinner and watched as the make up diluted into pale creamy water and left the jagged purple scar. It hadn't healed right; I couldn't get stitches so all I could try and do was stop the bleeding. This was how I had learned my first aid. I clinched my eyes to stop the memories returning as I ran my fingers of every bump and crevice of the scar. It still hurt now, if something hit it was a pain to rival the creation pain. The wound had run right alongside my femoral artery just so that I didn't die from it but the image would always be burned into my mind. I eventually turned the shower off and let myself stand there until I started shivering before I wrapped myself in a towel, redressed myself in my flannels and walked back into the bedroom. I fell asleep that night into a fitful sleep of memories and nightmares.

* * *

I woke in the morning to the sound of rain pounding down onto the roof. I curled myself up further into bed, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I glanced out the window to see the hazy fog that was creeping along the town of Forks. I pulled the covers back and went to stand by the window, confirming that Charlie had already left for work. I mindlessly walked over to my closet, sliding back the mirrored door and walking inside, flicking the lights on as I went.

What to wear today? That was the question… It was wet, cold, and slippery. A dress? No. A skirt? Double no. Any type of heels? God no. I sighed in defeat before I grabbed a pair of skinny dark denim jeans, pulling them on and zipping up. I shrugged off the Joy Division band tee I was wearing and pulled on a horizontal stripped navy shirt, tucking the front into the jeans slightly and leaving the back hanging out. I pulled on my grey Eskimo coat, cuddling myself into the faux fur that was lined on the inside. I looked at my shoe rack, thinking about what shoes I could wear. I finally grabbed the only pair of shoes I had that I actually liked to wear in the rain, my black Wellington boots. Having now been dressed I grabbed my black leather satchel, slipped on a silver ring and my juicy couture silver bracelet.

I headed downstairs to heat up some chicken soup. I opened the tin, poured it in the bowel and set it for 3 minutes in the microwave. Whilst I waited I mindlessly stared out the window, wondering what Aro was doing right at this moment. I couldn't describe my feelings for him, I loved him… but I hated him. I hated the control he had over my body, and the things he wanted me to do. But I loved him enough for me to actually do it.

I heard the microwave beep so I grabbed a metal thermos, poured the soup and some bits of bread inside before fastening the lid. I carried it to my car, as it wouldn't fit in my bag and sat it on the passenger seat. I hopped in the car, trying not to let too much of the sloshy water at my feet come with me.

I drove slowly to school, still not quite awake yet before parking the car, grabbing my chicken soup and bag and heading over to one of the picnic tables under the shelter. I poured some of the soup into the lid before grasping it in my hands and gently sipping from it, letting the warm liquid run down my throat.

I sat there for quite a while, just aimlessly staring into space. Letting my mind wonder into all different places… until a figure appeared in front of me. I let my eyes gaze up, following up the body until I reached a face with vibrant green eyes. "Edward." I whispered as a shiver ran down my back, causing me to hug into my warm coat even more.

"What you doing Bella?" He sat down next to me, hugging himself into his coat as well.

"Can't you see? I'm eating, duh." I replied stupidly.

"I know that Bella, I mean what are you thinking?"

"Everything, Phoenix, my childhood and I guess how I've changed." I turned to look at him now, "I've done some really stupid things Edward. I hope you can forgive me when judgment comes." He opened his mouth to say something, but I just put my finger onto his lips to silence him. "I don't want you to feel obligated once you've made a promise. Make your own decision and if you still want to me my friend after that, I'll be here. But for now, I cannot pretend to be what I used to be." I got up grabbing my bag and thermos and heading back towards my car to dump the thermos.

Before heading to class I pulled a packet of cigs out of the glove box, lighting one up and feeling the warmth spread from the flame on the lighter. I didn't care that everyone seemed to be staring at me, we were studying that one line in English today. Everyone's 'perfect' perceptions of Isabella Swan would be ruined soon anyway. I inhaled deeply letting the smoke swirl around my throat before releasing it in a sigh. I ran my hand through my hair, before just settling to let it fall in front of my eyes. It's not like I needed to look for a pathway down the hall, people made one for me.

I stopped outside my home group room, pushing my cigarette up against the wall to put it out before tucking it into my pocket, saving it for later. I chose a seat up the back, slouching back in my chair and rocking a little bit just watching as Mr Hanson stumbled into class carrying all his books. No one got up to help him, and I couldn't be fucked to move either so I just watched him struggle towards his desk. There was a loud clatter as he dropped his books and glared up at the class.

"Where the hell did that smell of cigarettes come from?" he yelled across the classroom. "None of you are old enough to be smoking!" he continued as he started his rant, I phased out… watching his diaphragm contract in and out as he took a breath. "Isabella Swan!" my head snapped at my name being called, no one would have possibly dared to have dobbed me in. I glanced around the classroom quickly, reading the expressions on people's faces, before I looked up at Mr. Hanson.

"Yes sir?" I inquired in an innocent voice; dropping my head a bit and rising too look at him from under my eyelashes. As he stared into my clear blue eyes I saw him falter a bit, I let a slight smirk flash onto my face as he dropped his head and looked away from my piercing stare. I heard him mumble, "Nothing…" before he dismissed the class to Lesson One.

I got up, gathering up my bag from the floor before heading to English, Fabulous. I headed into the classroom, throwing my Macbeth book down on the table before sliding into my chair. I watched as everyone gave me strange looks as they entered the classroom whereas Edward just nodded at me, acknowledging my presence. Mrs. Voss gave me a nervous look as she called the class to attention.

"Today we will be studying Act Three, Scene 2 and how Lady Macbeth becomes distanced, insecure and starts to lose the power over her husband that she once possessed as the guilt consumes her mind. Whereas, we will notice how Macbeth's increasing paranoia breaks down the relationship between the two and in how he begins to make decisions without consulting his wife. This in particularly is evident in line 52 and 53, "Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck, till thou applaud the deed."

She made a pointed glance towards me, the rest of the class following. I just let out a sigh before adding on, "It also explores how Macbeth becomes desperate in order to cover his tracks with the planning of killing everyone around him. Not stopping at anything to eradicate the knowledge of his deed and in he's delusion state he is deluded into thinking that killing his best friend, Banquo, and his son, Fleance will cure the paranoia he feels." I let out a sigh, parting my lips and trying to continue, "We can relate to it today because it teaches us that no good comes out of sin, only guilt and regret."

I let my head droop, running my hands over my leg where my stitches were. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I stood up, swung my bag over my shoulder, lit up a cigarette before heading out of the classroom. I walked through the desolate hallway and could already imagine the disruption I had caused to the school. I could practically hear phone's going off, teenagers speculating about what my 'sin' had been. I headed straight out to my car, turning the stereo on and turning to my mixed CD. I let the slightly popish song fill the car, ignoring the buzz of lesson interchange.

_Well you got your reasons,_

_And you got your lies,_

_And you got your manipulations,_

_They cut me down to size,_

_Sayin' you love me but you don't._

I just leaned back, chain smoking for the next hour or so, before opening the glove box of my car and pulling out one of the mini vodka bottles that I had bought. I filled my mouth up with it and gulped it down, feeling the familiarly comforting burn scorch down my throat. I opened my purse, popping out one of my Valium's to calm me down just for the hell of it. I swallowed it down with another mouthful of Vodka. I stuffed my alcohol and cigarettes back into the glove box to stop myself drinking more and headed back to the cafeteria, seeing that it was lunch time and all. The sound of my rain boots splashing in the water made me feel slightly nostalgic, but I realized that this was far from what my childhood. I would never have dreamed of facing a room filled with hundreds of teenagers who had been gossiping about me all morning.

As the sound of my feet stopped at the entrance all the faces in the room turned to me. Those who were stupid enough not to understand, or just naïve to think that what I had meant must have just been something small just wondered what the huge commotion was and even chanced a smile of sympathy to me. Well, that of course was before their friends glared at them and told them that they were being stupid. I didn't dare look over at the Cullen's table whilst I got my food, I had sat next to Edward during English but I hadn't really noticed his reaction. Correction, I had forced myself NOT to notice his reaction.

I grabbed the bottle of water I had gotten and headed over to a corner table, there were people sitting at it. But they looked like freshman and they scattered as I walked towards the table. I sat there, my back towards the rest of the people in an attempt to ignore them but I could still feel their eyes on my back. So I changed sides of the table harshly glared and anyone that remained looking at me. I unscrewed the cap off of the bottle, pushing the bottle of water aside. I spun the lid on the table, listening to it as it slowed down and clunked back onto the table.

At the same time a much louder clunk could be heard outside of the school as car doors slammed and men in uniform ran through the hallways, their vests indicating that they were police. The commotion could be heard coming towards the cafeteria and all the students had looked up, all but one. The doors slammed open as a voice yelled, "Isabella Swan!" She looked up, stared into the mans eyes, reading the letters across his chest before the bottle of water she had been holding slipped from her hand, the bottle hitting the floor and the water sloshing out everywhere.

Her voice shook as she quietly replied, "Yes…"

**A/N And so the tale unfolds. Hopefully I'll be able to update soon ~ Reviews would mean a hell of a lot to me at this stage. I need to know what you think. **


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